I'm Here. I'm Clear. Draw Near.

"Are you sure it's safe to go and meet him again," my wife asked.

I had just told her about my weird conversation with a man at the bar. I gave him my card and told him to let me know if he needed someone to talk to. He texted me soon after I came home. He needed to talk and didn't want to go home yet.

"It's fine, honey," I said, trying to console her. "He's not like the weird guy at the end of American Sniper."

"How did you know I was thinking about that?" I didn't tell her as I was walking out the door, but I was thinking that too.

When this young man sat down next to me at the pub, I noticed right away that it would be an atypical discussion. The young man's answers to my questions were slow and succinct. He kept saying that he led a rather boring life. But he also kept talking about a male best friend of his--how long they had known each other and how much time they spend together.

Eventually, I said "I know people don't talk about these things as much out here, but are you in a relationship with this man?" He said they had talked about it. So I knew he was gay.

The conversation continued to drag along until this young man announced that he was going to go meet up with his best friend at another pub. As always, I handed him my card and told him to let me know if he ever needed to talk. I left a bit after he did and arrived home just in time to get his first text.

Before I knew it, instead of filling my wife in on the uneasy encounter, I was racing back to the center of town. My sense of unease was heightened by my parting words with the bartender. He told me that he had toured the country in a punk band for three years so that he could enjoy that once in a lifetime opportunity. I told him about the summer I went to Africa for two months and tried out for American Idol. I love adventures. But with kids, the adventures become rare. But it's worth it.

I left the bar by paraphrasing a John Calvin quote from his commentary on Acts 20:24--"It is a pity when one's obsession with life obscures one's purpose in life."

Now those words were coming back to haunt me in the car. I pictured the young man, packing heat, waiting for me outside the bar. I prayed that if the Lord willed to take my life, then to please do so in order to save another life. But, I continued, if it be your will, please give me a bit more time with my wife and kids.

When I arrived, I found the young man playing the electronic slot machines. He was packing the other Wisconsinite weapon of choice--a beer. I sat down next to him and we began to talk in a much more substantive manner.

This man's best friend has just told him that he might move away and he couldn't bare the thought. He admitted that he was in love with this man. I told him that often times, when we don't have a religion, our religion becomes the person next to us. That person assumes God-like proportions in our life (Rom. 1). He agreed that this man was at the center of his own religious system.

He told me that he as more standoff-ish with me earlier because I told him I was a pastor. (That wasn't the only reason he seemed off--he's on 21 medications for various physical and psychological disorders.) But he reconsidered when I told him that I am in the Army. He figured that I had counseled lots of people like him (I have--whether he was referring to his lifestyle or disorders).

For stretches of time, I would just let him talk about life. He continued to drink down craft beers and explained that in Wisconsin, this was how you got men to talk with you. That is also one of the reasons why I ventured out into the pub scene quite often.

I asked him what hope he had beyond this man. If this man moved away, in other words, what did he have to live for? He said that he hoped to meet new friends in the LGBT community.

I suggested to him that instead of trying to find a few friends, he find a new community. I told him that he was welcome in our home and in our church.

His eyes lit up, "Is your church LGBT friendly?"

"We are sinner-friendly," I responded. "Jesus said that He came for the sick, not the healthy; sinners, not the righteous. You would have a place there because every sinner finds grace there."

I also told him that he needed friends who would BS him. The worst sort of friend is the one who gives you an unconditional pass, not unconditional love.

Those two things are very different. Christians need not apologize for standing on truth (in a gracious manner). It is cruel to let someone lounge on the couch in a house that is on fire. It is callous to not call someone to aim higher than their own petty, everyday desires.

Before I left, I asked him if he would be okay (yes) and he let me pray with him. Throughout our conversation, I kept picturing this young man as a little boy like my own. I imagined all that must have transpired for it to unfold in this heart-rending way. I earnestly ached for the plight of this prodigal.

Lord, help me to die more and more to myself, so that in and through me, others might see Your perfect patience for sinners like me, and live.

Tattoos and Dinosaurs

On Sunday night, I decided to visit a new pub for the Packers game. As I escaped the winter chill and surveyed the scene around me, I realized there were just three of us.

The bartender has two degrees in political science and will be starting doctoral work next year. We quickly set upon some of the old debates and key figures (i.e. the various schools of economics). He also asked me why I became a Christian. He grew up Jewish and was genuinely curious. I told him a bit about my background, but also explained that only the Bible has given me a satisfactory explanation of why both this world and human nature are so irretrievably broken.

Our conversation soon gave way to the random thoughts of the other guy. He, like most people here, had grown up religious, but now had come to believe in science (a claim repeated by another friend later in the night).

A couple of quick observations (more heady, so feel free to skip through #4):

1) Darwinism and evolutionary theory both offer some helpful insights into scientific inquiry (for example, studying adaptations over time). They are both part of the physical sciences, however, and are best served when relegated to the task of studying the physical realm--not making claims beyond it.

2) In making claims about human origins, (philosophical) Darwinism not only goes beyond the proper bounds of the physical scientific inquiry, but outside the bounds of what can truly be studied by the senses. Cosmology (the study of origins) stands above the physical realm. We are reaching further than they physical sciences can take us--hence, the traditional emphasis on philosophy and theology to understand origins.

3) In the quest to physically explain the world's origins, Darwinism naturally eliminates the inclusion of metaphysical (above-physical) data in its quest. So in order to answer what has typically been understood as a metaphysical question through physical means, they eliminate a whole category of data from the outset, corrupting their quest.

4) Why does Darwinism eliminate metaphysical data from the outset? Because metaphysical data cannot be studied and verified by the human senses. Why is it that the human senses are considered the standard for truth (commonly called "empiricism")? Because its adherents say so.

In other words, Darwinism rules out creationism and sets up an entire cosmology based on a single article of faith: Seeing is believing.

Sorry for the digression, but this is important. Science is only able to be wielded against faith because it is being misused. And its misuse is rooted in a competing religious system--human autonomy (also called "paganism"). That is why science is erroneously propped up against faith.

Back to the story--I spent a good part of the night talking with a tattoo-clad she-beast (seriously, this girl did four years of mixed martial arts and was tough as nails). She told me about all the times that "religious types" have criticized and belittled her for her tattoos. Even if her claims were exaggerated, this sort of knee-jerk judgmentalism is appalling. Even if one believes the Bible prohibits tattoos (I do not believe so), we have no right to bind consciences on the matter unless the Bible clearly weighs upon the issue--and then, only for the believer. There is a reason Paul didn't circumcise Titus--it was not part and parcel of what it meant to be a follower of Jesus Christ. He left a tattoo of flesh upon that young man that might as well have spelled out "L-I-B-E-R-T-Y."

And as they did with my writing here, the tattoos were merely a distraction from the deeper issues of this gal. She grew up with an abusive father. When she was eight, she was in a car accident, broke her femur, and watched as her mom died in the car beside her. Wow! She tried to explain it away as being in the past, but I stopped her, took a moment to compose myself and not let such a horrible fact pass with little mention. We talked more about her broken past. See what we miss if we focus on the marks on her flesh and not the wounds on her heart?

Tattoos and dinosaurs, people. Neither of these are obstructions to the Gospel. Christ, through whom all things were created--including dinosaurs--carries with Him physical marks of His crucifixion. Our wounds cannot compare to His, for by His wounds, we are healed. Thanks be to God.

New Year New You 5k

Following a recent tradition of setting up last-minute runs, I announced the formation of a New Year New You 5k. With my visiting parents and little boy helping at the starting line (wife was at home with a tired baby), we gathered a group of 7 runners. After instructions and prayer, we set off.

Unlike last time, most of the runners were not from church! Of course, we had the retired Rev. Tolsma and his wife with us, walking their way into the further lore of sweet, aged, couples who still enjoy time together--even if walking in freezing temperatures for an hour!

But we also had four young adults from the community--some who heard about us on Facebook and others from Meetup--who ran with me the whole time. I got to know their names, a bit about where they live and where they're from, as well as whether they're married and have kids. I asked for their input on improving our running group, and think they'll help me take it to the next level!

As we returned from our 5k on the icy paths, three of the runners turned around to do another lap and make it a 10k. I handed my card to the departing runner and ran into another man and his dog who was interested in the group (my parents had held him there until I arrived) and I handed him my card and the church card.

My dad them joined me for a light walk/jog to go meet up with Tolsmas and chat with them for a bit. We did so for a few minutes before again, running into a couple walking a dog. We let the Tolsmas continue on their way as we chatted up this random couple. Turns out that they are believers from down in Wheaton, IL--up here for the holidays. The wife expressed her heartache that most of her 9 siblings are not walking with the Lord. We spent some time in prayer together.

A little while later, the three remaining runners joined us at the finish, happily chatted for a few as our bodies cooled down from the run, and talked about vague plans for the future. Another gal who had been running around joined us well. She had arrived late for the run and had just jogged around aimlessly until we were done.

All in all, a fabulously encouraging event. We engaged 6 members of the community--a number of them for an extended period of time. We had an encouraging conversation with an out-of-town couple. And we watched with awe as a couple with a combined century and a half of years on them continued to enjoy the warmth of their marriage in the bitter cold of New Years.

As we embark upon the new year, remember that new you does not come through self-transformation, dramatic resolutions, or simply "turning the page."

"If any man is in Christ, he is a new creation--the old has gone, the new has come." (2 Cor. 5:17)

What To Do With Your Depression

Shove it. No, not in the way you think. Nor should you should shove it down.

You should shove it out into the light. Let me explain.

I counseled an old married couple in the community this morning, and at the heart of their difficulty was the fact that the husband wasn't sharing his the entirety of his struggle with depression with is wife. As a result, she had less insight into his struggle and felt helpless and out of control. This was something that my own wife called me out on early in our marriage.

Depression can be devastating, but it doesn't need to be destructive. It isn't some overbearing monster that we are powerless to fight against. It is actually quite normal. And it must always be engaged. Left unchecked, depression can ruin lives. Actively engaged, it can enrich lives. How can you turn your depression into a net positive?

1) Acknowledge it. It's not as if people don't notice. When you just tell people it's a bit of stress, or that it's just a passing phase--they know you're lying to them (or to yourself). When you look at the landscape of your life and see nothing but darkness--when you feel hopeless--then you're depressed.

2) Don't be a victim. People with depression suffer...a lot. But they aren't victims. Very few cases of depression are chemically or biologically based, and even those cases can be effectively treated. Depressed people already feel hopeless and helpless and the last the we should do is treat them as such. If you have depression, take responsibility for it. When the "black dog" (as Churchill called it) rares its ugly head, sit down, grab a pen and paper, and spell out the lies that it is telling you about your life. Take the positive data from your life and stare the dog down.

You can also engage in behaviors that limit the triggers for your depression. Go to sleep at a decent time and try to get a full night's rest. Avoid lethargy. Work extra hours at your job. Put in extra time at the gym. Get sucked into a new hobby. And don't self-medicate with alcohol!

3) Let people know. Depression thrives on privacy and imagination. When you're alone, there is no one to ask you to help with the groceries, let alone check your destructive thought patterns. You'll find that many friends and family member have or are struggling with depression. This normalizes the struggle, makes it safe to talk about, and enables you to more effectively combat it.

4) Enlist the support of several key people. This may involve some of the friends and family above, but it especially involves (1) a counselor, and (2) your spouse. There is a stigma attached to both depression and to seeking out help. Frankly, the stigma is stupid and those who uphold it are ignorant. Counselors are trained to ask you the right questions and help lead you on the right rabbit trails that will help you understand yourself better and heal. They are key allies.

Even more important than the counselor in many ways in your spouse. Your spouse may not be able to treat you in the same ways as a counselor, but he/she is your daily companion in the fight. Either they fight with you, or you hold them at arm's length and they fight against you. God has placed one person in your life to see all of the deepest, darkest parts of you. One person in your life with the charge to love you unconditionally as long as you both shall live. If you're willing to get physically naked in front of them, you should be willing to get emotionally naked as well. They know you the best and can help you the most.

5) Go to church. Not just to check the box or feel like a good person, but because you need to hear the Gospel! "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9) Even with positive data points, you can't will, think, or feel your way into a healthy state of mind. You need to be reminded that Jesus came for the sick, not the healthy; the sinners, not the righteous. You need to be reminded to "Set your minds on things above, where Christ is...for your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Col. 3:1-4) This heart-penetrating message, delivered point blank to your heart and those alongside of you in the pews, will transform you.

That is what I mean by "shove it." Shove your broken heart before your own eyes in acknowledgement, take responsibility for it, shove it before the eyes of others, especially those best equipped to help you, and shove it before the Throne of Grace, where your most malicious marks will be most masterfully managed.

Resting in Christ

In God's providence, He makes me take my own medicine after I offer it to others.

Just yesterday, I preached on the importance of resting by faith, just as much as walking by faith. There are times when we simply need to be reminded of the completed work of Christ and its ongoing effects so that we might find comfort in overwhelming situations.

This morning, I realized that someone from the community had left me a voicemail while I was preaching. The man said he met me at a political event (packages for soldiers) where I offered a prayer. He said that he and his wife really needed by help, preferably before the evening (that was last evening!).

I panicked. I was watching my boy while my wife was working out. I couldn't even call the man back. While I was listening to the voicemail, my boy wanted my attention. I grew frustrated at my smart phone for not letting me know I had a voicemail, my own negligence for not checking my voicemail yesterday, and my little boy for wanting my attention when there was a pressing matter I needed to address.

When my wife came home, I was high-strung, irritable, and ready to race out the door to go to work at church. I needed to take my own medicine.

First, resign the things you can't control. You don't invest too much thought or feeling into circumstances you can't change. You have to seek contentment in such things, and focus on circumstances you can change.

Second, do this by seeing the big picture. God is sovereign (all-controlling) over all circumstances. His total control and His perfect character--most clearly manifested in the person and work of Christ--is the basis for your contentment.

Third, taking responsibility for the things you can control. You must give your "yesterdays" to the Lord and offer yourself to Him today. In this case, I needed to call the man as soon as I was able, apologize for missing his call, and ask if I could be of service.

By God's grace, the man was gracious and asked if I could visit with he and his wife tomorrow morning. I enthusiastically said "Yes!" The added perk--I get to enjoy driving by the Wisconsin snow-scape!

Before I walked through this process, I was a mess--and I spilled onto other people and things. In submitting to God's sovereignty, resigning the things I couldn't control and taking responsibility for the things I could--I found peace and a measure of the rest that Christ alone affords.

Christmas: Worst Time of the Year?

This was the topic I proposed for my "Dinner, Drinks and Deep Discussions" Meetup group last night. Christmas is often presented as the happiest time of the year, but it is also the season when depression and suicides spike. Why?

One person signed up--a young, black woman a few years older than me. Her profile announced that she was a single mother of three and was excited to have a social life again.

With that in mind, when I arrived at our site--the American Legion bar--I thought I had misfired badly. This woman, largely unfamiliar with Menomonee Falls (91.6% White with Native American coming in at number two at 3.5%), would be walking into a stuffy, downstairs bar filled with older, blue collar white men who like to hunt. I got there early and a number of the men were already slurring their speech. (Granted, I know most of these men, and care for all of them.)

I warned my new friend about the dynamics when I met her upstairs, and she didn't seem to mind. I was on pins and needles when we went down there. The reception was warm (several guys started chatting with her and she got a free drink for her first visit), but likely overwhelming. The guys talking to her (buddies of mine) were loud and didn't give her much room to speak.

I kept trying to cut in, but even my big mouth kept getting drowned out. Eventually, I was able to start directing the conversation a bit. Not the topics mind you--just the tone. A couple of the men--one older and one younger--started discussing what would bar someone from Heaven. The younger, Roman Catholic friend joined my new female friend in contending that suicide was unpardonable because there was no opportunity to repent before death. The older, Vietnam-vet friend joined me in contending that our salvation is not conditioned on our works, but on those of Christ.

Suicide is murder and is indeed a sin. But Jesus tells us that my anger is tantamount to murder (Matthew 5) and is every bit as worthy of death as murder. We are all worthy of death and damnation (me most of all!), but our salvation is not based on the quality of our repentance, but the quality of Christ's sacrifice. Two of the enduring images from Hebrews is Christ as the great high priest, always interceding on behalf of His people, and Christ as the once-for-all sacrifice, covering His people once and for all from their sins.

Pretty intense conversation to step into with a black single mom from inner city Milwaukee, and an old vet and young man with no filter from the boonies!

Well, talking about religion would obviously not be a taboo among these folks. I was thankful for that. And as I was counting my blessings, my female friend asked if she was the only person who looked like that (pointing to her skin) who came into the Legion bar. We all immediately chimed in and said "Oh, no. Bob comes in as well." Being able to name the one exception does not help.

So, of course, we started talking about race relations. My young Catholic friend started talking about how he was fed up with everybody stepping lightly around the N-word (he actually used the word). He thought the word was horrible, but also thought the only way to rob it of its power was to take away the mystique and treat it as a crass word worthy of condemnation. Good logical point. But the fact that he kept using the word made me want to curl up in the fetal position, growing up as I did in the DC area. My female friend didn't seem to mind, but engaged my Catholic friend on this issue.

He then also happened to mention that he was a skinhead, but that not all skinheads are racist. In fact, the movement was partially started by Jamaicans. Whether or not he was correct, I was feeling increasingly eager for a second drink.

But--in an incredible God way--invisible bonds were forming between these three very different people. They all discovered that they had suffered from severed relationships. The vet's wife had walked out on him and his two little children and he raised his kids alone. The young Catholic man's dad left when he was little. The young woman's kids were all born and raised out of wedlock, and the two fathers are almost entirely out of the picture. She had to raise them on her own.

I have watched "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" about twice a day over the past several days with my boy, and felt like I was watching something comparable to the changing of the Grinch's heart in that bar. I saw the older vet shed tears as he talked about how hard it was to raise his kids alone. And at the end of the discussion, my female friend said something along the lines of "I loved this. Everybody else here is a mess, and I feel like I can be myself. I would love to do this again."

She also told me that she had never known a pastor who would share a drink with people, be messy with them, and be accessible and not judgmental. Like the rest of those in our conversation, I confessed that I am sick and broken. My only hope, and my assured hope, is found in my Savior.

And for the first time, one of these events will translate into visits to the church. The old vet, who was going to do Christmas alone, will be having dinner with my family tonight and joining us at the Christmas Eve service. And while the single mom attends another church, she told me not to be surprised if she comes and visits our church after the new year. I prayed with her before she left.

Is Christmas the worst time of year? We all agreed that it is a pretty dark and broken time, but not irretrievably so. There is something about the hope of Christ that changes everything.

The Christmas season is like a black canvas, awash in the dark stains of loved ones lost, relationships ended, and dreams unfulfilled. But the blacker the canvas, the more stark that shining Star shines over sinners like us. The hope of Christ splashes light and life across the landscape. And one day, there will be no more night (Rev. 22).

Another Crazy Weekend

On Thursday, my wife got a flat tire. We have been all over the road ever since!

A dear sister from the church drove Lindsey and Tabby back to the house and drove me back to the car. I got there at the same time as the tow guy, who turned out to be a member of the Wisconsin Army National Guard, and we enjoyed a good chat as we put on the spare. On the way home, a member of a local political party invited me to come give a prayer for a gathering in which packages would be put together for deployed soldiers.

On Saturday, I prayed for the assembled gathering just before the senior Senator from the state of Wisconsin gave some off-the-cuff remarks. Our retired pastor saw my face on a local TV report on the gathering. More importantly, I was able to reach out to a number of former vets and even met a chaplain who served half a century ago! Sadly, I had to throw my business card at him as I raced home to tend to my sulky son, who was happily rehearsing for his first ever Christmas play.

Later that day, over 40 people joined us for a housewarming party. Just over 20 people came from the church, and just under 20 from the community. People from all walks of life, engaged in conversation. Beautiful! My wonderfully-introverted wife put on a Martha Stewart-like spread, and engaged folks for 5+ hours (after wrestling with the sulky son earlier in the day).

One neighbor is a recent widower and lives alone. I really hope we become close with him. I can't imagine what life would be like without my wife and little ones. Our God is so gracious to those so bereaved! May this dear man be like Anna after her long years as a widow, or Simeon when his old eyes finally beheld the Christ-child (Luke 2)!

Late in the night, I did one final run through of the second part of our "Gospel According to Ruth" series at the church. I preached on our dear sister, Ruth (from the Old Testament, between Judges and 1st Samuel), who knew the pain and brokenness of the Christian life, yet was sustained by grace through faith in Christ until she arrived in the heavenly fields of Boaz. I needed conviction and comfort from that precious passage of God's Word as much as anyone!

Last night, I watched my little boy perform in his first Christmas play. He was nearing bedtime, and mussed his hair in his fatigue. He was also surprisingly subdued, watching his flamboyant girl-friend twirl her dress through every him. And I loved every minute of it.

This was the same boy who cried in my ear as a newborn. Those same cries were haunting echoes to me as I missed most of his first year of life and the attendant joys of those many "firsts." I remember saying goodbye to him when he visited Ft. Hood with my wife, wondering if I would ever see him again. His pictures were taped all over my walls in Afghanistan. I remember the first night I saw him in Baltimore, grinning at me. That night, I turned in bed to see him standing and staring at me.

I am now a father with growing kids and I cannot wait (though I do so with natural fear and trepidation) as they grow in knowledge of and love for the Lord. May he learn through God's tender shepherding what it took me numerous hard providences to learn. May he grow in grace without the grief that finally broke me of just a few of my idols. May God give me wisdom as I join my wife in shepherding this young boy and his baby sister. We have frail hands and faint hearts. But we also have a faithful God.

Tired. Spent. Blessed.