5
It was once
said that many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. I
cling to those words and all they embody. The rain has stopped, but the waters
are not receding. My breaths are more shallow and I must constantly fight off
panic. My dad looks unconcerned, but he continually speaks in soft tones to
soothe me.
A decisive
moment has come upon us. I see it fill my dad’s expression with determination.
He pulls the cloth from my forehead, draws himself very close, and places both
of his hands of my cheeks. His face draws so near me that I can feel his long
breaths as they mirror my own gasps.
“Kayla Joy,
many people have asked me whether I regretted marrying your mother, knowing
what I do now. Perhaps I could have had a different life, with a loving wife
and a house full of kids. I would watch each one grow up, and enjoy my waning
days with the wife of my youth.
“Do you
know what I tell them? I wouldn’t change a thing. Because of your mother, I
have been given twenty years with the most precious daughter a father could
ever ask for. Even if my next twenty were filled with loneliness, they would be
more than compensated by my present wealth.
“I thank
God every day for you. I remember picking you up that first time at the
hospital, holding you against my chest, and feeling our hearts beat together.
For all the ups and downs, our hearts have not drawn apart since. My time with
you will bring me joy until I join you.”
With that
he wraps his arms around me and goes silent. I can feel his heart against mine,
providing long steady thumps alongside my sputtering. It feels as if my body is
turning off. Various organs seem to rumble, then stop. My breath steadies to a
faint wheezing, and stars begin to appear before my eyes. The pain is receding
and everything is turning warm and numb. My dad’s face slips from view.
All is silent and hazy. My body
feels whole, but unable to move. I suddenly feel swept up, as if my dad was
carrying me, and I think I’m moving. The same arms that hold me grab hold of
the surrounding haze and rend it apart and the mighty roar of great seas break
upon my ears.
The expanse
around me is dark, except for millions of tiny stars. It sounds as though the
water will soon engulf me, yet it cannot touch me. I notice the stars are
moving. Their lights have bodies and they proceed steadily against bodies of darkness.
I feel safe in these arms as the sounds of water and sights of darkness slowly
recede.
The world
around me starts to flicker, like a television that loses its signal.
Everything becomes like static. The world—a new world—suddenly snaps into view.
The one who holds me now treads upon streets of gold. I watch lush hillsides
roll by.
I look up
and recognize the face. My heart melts into a state of childlike trust and
curiosity. I ask where we are going. “Little lamb, I must take you to see your
father.” He speaks without his lips moving. The grass on the hillsides comes
into sharper focus and I realize that each blade is a man, woman, or child,
lying facedown upon the ground.
Excuse me,
I ask the man, but why are these people bowing? “You will see in a moment,
little lamb, but it is quite a wonderful spectacle, isn’t it?” I nod my head
and am captivated with everything around me.
The path
turns alongside a rushing river that seems to leap even as it flows. I find
myself bedecked in the most beautiful white robe. I look up at the familiar
face—did you do that? “Long ago, little lamb, long ago.”
The river
and road both pass under the largest tree I have ever seen. The fruit hanging
from it allures me, but I dare not touch it. “It is alright, little lamb. You
are safe now.” With that, the man picks a piece and gives it to me. I eat my
fill, and it is very good.
From the
great multitude upon the hillsides, I hear the most beautiful music—like that
of a great wedding. The ground pulsates, as if directing the choir with steady
beats. It is the sound of love.
Emerging at
the end of this canopied path is a throne so large, that the ground beneath
seems but a footstool. It is enshrouded by smoke and flame. I look up at the
man with tears—I do not belong here. “But I brought you here, little lamb. I
carried you from the portals, through the waves, and clothe you in my own
clothes.” You belong, because you are my beloved.”
My heart
swells with joy and confidence that is not my own as the man sets me upon my feet
before the throne. I want to draw near, but instead immediately fall to my face
and press my chest as tightly as I can to the ground. The pulsating fills me.
It is my father’s heart.
