An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth--a great principle for civil government, which is unable to love and has the responsibility to administer justice (Rom. 13).
For relationships that do revolve around love however, primarily marriage and those relationships heading toward marriage, justice must give way in every part to mercy.
Increasingly, especially amongst our young soldiers, I notice the same self-centered view of relationships that we see in society at large: "I want what's coming to me. And they better treat me right or they'll get what's coming to them."
Many believe that if their spouse doesn't respect them, they need not respect their spouse. If their spouse wrongs them, they have permission to wrong them in return.
And forget telling people to keep no record of wrongs as a moral and religious ideal. Instead, they are religious in their meticulous tracking of perceived wrongs, though they feel wronged when their spouse or significant other does the same.
I say all this as I witness the beginnings of what will be the disintegration of many relationships. The soldiers have come home from war and the chickens have come home to roost.
I was talking with one soldier that I have known for years this morning about his quickly evaporating engagement. He has good reason to suspect that his fiancee is planning to break-up with him and has likely been cheating on him with his friend while he's been deployed.
BUT, in the off chance that none of this has or will occur, I counseled this soldier to forgive all perceived slights that occurred over the course of this deployment. This time is hell for spouses and significant others, who feel helpless, lonely, insecure, and vulnerable. Many lack the solid support structure afforded by family and church. Many make foolish decisions--they get drunk often, waste money, and spend an inappropriate amount of time with friends of the opposite sex.
Redeployment is not the time to bring the hammer down, but to confess that war has been hell on both parties, forgive all wrongs (unless adultery has been committed, in which case the relationship must either be terminated or patiently renovated from the ground up), and start anew--resolving to establish a more sound foundation for future deployments.
But mercy must form the fundamental relational principle. Love is unconditional and mercy demonstrates this fact. Nothing can separate a wife from her husband's love. He will bear her indiscretions (and she, his) and love her even more. He will sacrifice for her (and she submit to him), even when unrequited.
In this way, we demonstrate the much greater love of Christ, who while we were still sinners, died for us (Rom. 5:8). The only record of wrongs that He kept were those that He bore in His body (1 Pet. 3) and subsequently nailed to the cross (Col. 2). If He treated mankind as mankind treated Him, He would be coming on the clouds of judgment for all of us.
And if we are truly moved by such profound love, demonstrated in such unbelievable mercy, then we will strive to love our loved ones with an everlasting love, fueled by the Spirit of the Lord. Our desire for justice will be turned in on ourselves in brutal self-examination, considering our own unworthiness of our spouse's love and mercy, and our hearts and mouths will overflow with words of Gospel-centered tenderness that will build up our spouse and make them shine like stars in a darkened world.
We enter an age in which the "survival of the fittest" principle that most children learned in broken homes is being applied to relationships in their various manifestations. Few greater testimonies exist to the power of the Gospel than unconditional, sacrificial love grounded in gratitude for the life, death, and reign of Christ.
