An eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth--a great principle for civil government, which is unable to love and has the responsibility to administer justice (Rom. 13).
For relationships that do revolve around love however, primarily marriage and those relationships heading toward marriage, justice must give way in every part to mercy.
Increasingly, especially amongst our young soldiers, I notice the same self-centered view of relationships that we see in society at large: "I want what's coming to me. And they better treat me right or they'll get what's coming to them."
Many believe that if their spouse doesn't respect them, they need not respect their spouse. If their spouse wrongs them, they have permission to wrong them in return.
And forget telling people to keep no record of wrongs as a moral and religious ideal. Instead, they are religious in their meticulous tracking of perceived wrongs, though they feel wronged when their spouse or significant other does the same.
I say all this as I witness the beginnings of what will be the disintegration of many relationships. The soldiers have come home from war and the chickens have come home to roost.
I was talking with one soldier that I have known for years this morning about his quickly evaporating engagement. He has good reason to suspect that his fiancee is planning to break-up with him and has likely been cheating on him with his friend while he's been deployed.
BUT, in the off chance that none of this has or will occur, I counseled this soldier to forgive all perceived slights that occurred over the course of this deployment. This time is hell for spouses and significant others, who feel helpless, lonely, insecure, and vulnerable. Many lack the solid support structure afforded by family and church. Many make foolish decisions--they get drunk often, waste money, and spend an inappropriate amount of time with friends of the opposite sex.
Redeployment is not the time to bring the hammer down, but to confess that war has been hell on both parties, forgive all wrongs (unless adultery has been committed, in which case the relationship must either be terminated or patiently renovated from the ground up), and start anew--resolving to establish a more sound foundation for future deployments.
But mercy must form the fundamental relational principle. Love is unconditional and mercy demonstrates this fact. Nothing can separate a wife from her husband's love. He will bear her indiscretions (and she, his) and love her even more. He will sacrifice for her (and she submit to him), even when unrequited.
In this way, we demonstrate the much greater love of Christ, who while we were still sinners, died for us (Rom. 5:8). The only record of wrongs that He kept were those that He bore in His body (1 Pet. 3) and subsequently nailed to the cross (Col. 2). If He treated mankind as mankind treated Him, He would be coming on the clouds of judgment for all of us.
And if we are truly moved by such profound love, demonstrated in such unbelievable mercy, then we will strive to love our loved ones with an everlasting love, fueled by the Spirit of the Lord. Our desire for justice will be turned in on ourselves in brutal self-examination, considering our own unworthiness of our spouse's love and mercy, and our hearts and mouths will overflow with words of Gospel-centered tenderness that will build up our spouse and make them shine like stars in a darkened world.
We enter an age in which the "survival of the fittest" principle that most children learned in broken homes is being applied to relationships in their various manifestations. Few greater testimonies exist to the power of the Gospel than unconditional, sacrificial love grounded in gratitude for the life, death, and reign of Christ.
24.1.14
US Senate Roundup
For all of you political junkies out there, you know that the Senate will be the primary electoral battleground next year.
As a quick note, there is virtually no chance of a change of power in the House of Representatives. The most likely scenario, barring any dramatic change in the country, is that one of the parties will pick up a couple of seats, which will do nothing to affect the balance of power.
Meanwhile, the majority of governor mansions will still belong to the GOP, which currently holds 29 of them and will likely lose a net of one or two (GOP will pick up AR, Dems will likely pick up PA and ME and possibly FL or MI.
In the Senate, only two GOP seats are potentially threatened--both in red states with strong Democratic contenders (KY and GA). But both are long-shot takeovers.
Meanwhile, the GOP, which needs six seats to re-take the Senate, are poised to grab at least four. They have a popular former governor running in the deep red state of North Dakota, and a popular representative running in the deep red state of West Virginia. They are also running a very strong contender (Harvard-trained Iraq veteran turned member of House of Representatives) in Arkansas against the incumbent, and a popular representative vying for the open seat in semi-red Montana
They also have a very strong shot at takeovers in deep red Louisiana and deep red Alaska against formerly popular incumbents. They are also probably even odds against the incumbent in North Carolina. If they got two of these latter three seats, they would re-take the Senate.
At the same time, due to the president's unpopularity, a number of other seats are becoming more vulnerable. A mediocre GOP candidate is running even for the open seat in Michigan, a list of GOP no-names are in contention for the open seat in Iowa. Virginia is now in play with a strong GOP contender having just announced his nomination, but the incumbent is popular and the GOP definitely starts in underdog status. New Hampshire will also immediately come into play if former MA Senator, Scott Brown, decides to run.
If the president's numbers stabilize a bit, control of the Senate will be a very close call and will likely be determined by the GOP's ability to withstand their normal tendency for self-sabotage. If the president's numbers remain where they are, however, there is a decent chance that a 2010-like wave could emerge, taking down 9-10 Democratic seats. The GOP could really use such a wave as--looking forward--they will have a half dozen vulnerable seats to defend in 2016 as a result of the 2010 wave that elected Republicans in battleground and even deep blue states.
The fun is only just beginning!
As a quick note, there is virtually no chance of a change of power in the House of Representatives. The most likely scenario, barring any dramatic change in the country, is that one of the parties will pick up a couple of seats, which will do nothing to affect the balance of power.
Meanwhile, the majority of governor mansions will still belong to the GOP, which currently holds 29 of them and will likely lose a net of one or two (GOP will pick up AR, Dems will likely pick up PA and ME and possibly FL or MI.
In the Senate, only two GOP seats are potentially threatened--both in red states with strong Democratic contenders (KY and GA). But both are long-shot takeovers.
Meanwhile, the GOP, which needs six seats to re-take the Senate, are poised to grab at least four. They have a popular former governor running in the deep red state of North Dakota, and a popular representative running in the deep red state of West Virginia. They are also running a very strong contender (Harvard-trained Iraq veteran turned member of House of Representatives) in Arkansas against the incumbent, and a popular representative vying for the open seat in semi-red Montana
They also have a very strong shot at takeovers in deep red Louisiana and deep red Alaska against formerly popular incumbents. They are also probably even odds against the incumbent in North Carolina. If they got two of these latter three seats, they would re-take the Senate.
At the same time, due to the president's unpopularity, a number of other seats are becoming more vulnerable. A mediocre GOP candidate is running even for the open seat in Michigan, a list of GOP no-names are in contention for the open seat in Iowa. Virginia is now in play with a strong GOP contender having just announced his nomination, but the incumbent is popular and the GOP definitely starts in underdog status. New Hampshire will also immediately come into play if former MA Senator, Scott Brown, decides to run.
If the president's numbers stabilize a bit, control of the Senate will be a very close call and will likely be determined by the GOP's ability to withstand their normal tendency for self-sabotage. If the president's numbers remain where they are, however, there is a decent chance that a 2010-like wave could emerge, taking down 9-10 Democratic seats. The GOP could really use such a wave as--looking forward--they will have a half dozen vulnerable seats to defend in 2016 as a result of the 2010 wave that elected Republicans in battleground and even deep blue states.
The fun is only just beginning!
Random Pics You May Have Missed
Flags of the allied coalition at Camp Eggers, from the top of the stairway of my barracks.
My resource table in my office at Camp Eggers.
Me and my favorite dog, celebrating the season!
Going out on a mission!
Flags and memorial at Camp Phoenix.
The chapel at Camp Phoenix, where I preached for four months.
Rare Snowfall in Texas
...which has subsequently caused delays in my travel home. They don't have salt for the roads or tarmac, so we must rely upon the sun to extend its arms and embrace the frozen earth!
Even so, the sun is setting on this latest adventure!
I would like to say that everything is being tied into a neat little bow, but the reality is, for many soldiers, the real trials are just beginning. I have heard a number of spats over the phone the past couple of days, and with the immaturity of most young adults conspiring with a conspicuous lack of guidance and wisdom from their elders, I am not confident in the resolution of these conflicts.
So many fight for hearth and home, but how many will have homes to come back to?
23.1.14
So Much Cleaning!
A soldier told me this morning that his wife is stressed out because she has so much cleaning to do before he returns home.
He was incredulous. Who cares about cleaning? Not him. And how much cleaning really needs to be done?
I chuckled, as most every soldier and wife (including me and the wifey) are experiencing the same back-and-forth.
What soldiers need to realize (and what I told this soldier this morning) is that this impulse to clean is reflective of a larger anxiety about the coming chaos of reintegration and a desire to control something in the meantime.
Also, wives are often (or feel) judged based on the appearance of their home. Thus, they want their husbands to get a peek at what they have accomplished in the previous year (which can sometimes also feel mundane compared to what their husbands often endure).
Finally, wives, in their emotional intuitiveness can sense the upcoming struggles much better than their husbands, who often only see the sweet relief of being home. Thus, a clean home seems to provide a more sure footing, and one less thing to contend with, once the expected chaos begins.
So it's not crazy. This is another example of logical men lacking the emotional intelligence that grasps the enormity of the situation and responds accordingly. Thank God for our wives!
He was incredulous. Who cares about cleaning? Not him. And how much cleaning really needs to be done?
I chuckled, as most every soldier and wife (including me and the wifey) are experiencing the same back-and-forth.
What soldiers need to realize (and what I told this soldier this morning) is that this impulse to clean is reflective of a larger anxiety about the coming chaos of reintegration and a desire to control something in the meantime.
Also, wives are often (or feel) judged based on the appearance of their home. Thus, they want their husbands to get a peek at what they have accomplished in the previous year (which can sometimes also feel mundane compared to what their husbands often endure).
Finally, wives, in their emotional intuitiveness can sense the upcoming struggles much better than their husbands, who often only see the sweet relief of being home. Thus, a clean home seems to provide a more sure footing, and one less thing to contend with, once the expected chaos begins.
So it's not crazy. This is another example of logical men lacking the emotional intelligence that grasps the enormity of the situation and responds accordingly. Thank God for our wives!
Reintegration: Running Toward the Firefight
A number of my soldiers are frustrated by Army-imposed delays on their ability to go home. For some, additional medical appointments are needed. For others who don't have jobs waiting on the other side, there is mandatory job training.
As one soldier told me, "I just want to get home to my daughter."
But those who go home to a wife and/or children must be careful in their haste. It doesn't matter how swimmingly a marriage fares on deployment, there will be inevitable difficulties coming home.
As a general rule, both soldier and wife have learned a lifestyle of independence that must be worked back into the fabric of marriage--much like when a couple first marries. I am used to receiving guidance and forming my own plans, with others providing my meals and doing my laundry. The wife is used to controlling all matters of the household and as a matter of survival, not second-guessing herself.
Obviously, the hardest path to negotiate will be in parenting out little boy. Certainly, a part of the wifey simply wants to hand the little one off to me and be done with parenting for a while. At the same time, she enjoys a precious singular bond with him that will now be shared with daddy as well. That could prove difficult. Will she filled with joy every time she sees me playing with him apart from her? I am not so sure. Will I always enjoy seeing the tricks and skills my wife utilizes in caring for him when I will seem so horribly inept when I return? Probably not.
Independence breeds competition, which is likely a participating factor in the dissolution of many marriages in the military and society-at-large. The wife and I will have to learn to become one in our marriage once more and thus complement one another. Individually, we can each survive as parents. Together, we thrive. And does my wife deserves this type of team-parenting after a year of surviving on her own (and doing a wonderful job)!
But this inevitable friction creeps into more discreet areas of the marriage as well, aside from parenting. Our financial management has always been a well-oiled machine, by God's grace. I love to budget, while the wifey hates it. Thus, I am the one constantly crunching and projecting numbers--helping us look at big picture matters like saving, paying off debt, and retirement.
The wifey also likes clear rules in our financial management (she loves rules!) to help guide her spending habits. So I budget a specific amount in our budget for groceries and discretionary and that provides her a cap for the month.
When I deployed, I handed off the whole budget to her. Knowing she didn't like the inner workings of it like I did, I simply offered her broad parameters--make sure to stay above a certain amount in checking and make sure that certain things were paid and accounted for each month. If checking went over a certain amount, she could put it into savings.
She did a fantastic job of holding to these parameters. In the past couple of weeks, I started tracking the budget again and getting very detailed in crunching numbers. This can seem off-putting to the wifey, who in her own distinct way has managed the budget.
Neither of us had to answer to anyone else on a number of issues this past year--now we answer to each other. Over and over again, we'll run into seemingly mundane issues that cause brief flare-ups because we are used to handling matters individually.
Last night, we compared this ordeal to that daily "hour of power" where the husband comes home from work and immediately wants a break, while the wife also wants a break from the baby. This is the hour where most couples experience their worst fighting. Both need help from the other, and both feel misunderstood by the other. My advice to husbands has always been to bite the bullet, suck it up, and serve their wives for that first hour.
In the same way, the wifey and I will both need help from each other in the coming weeks. I will likely be overcoming a great sleep deficit, adjusting to civilian life again, and learning how to parents. She will be overcoming a great sleep deficit and in need of an active helper in parenting. So what will give?
I will try to jump into action right away in limited ways to assist my wife; she will try to give me plenty of time to rest and adjust. Both of us are looking to serve the other, which provides a good start to this process. The process will be messy, but this mutual heart of service will be the key in helping us meld back into one entity and love and serve together once more.
Deployment doesn't truly end when a soldier returns--the fight for the homeland simply becomes a fight for home and hearth once more. But the same grace upon which we have stood during this deployment will serve us just as well in love as in war. We fight together in the Lord.
As one soldier told me, "I just want to get home to my daughter."
But those who go home to a wife and/or children must be careful in their haste. It doesn't matter how swimmingly a marriage fares on deployment, there will be inevitable difficulties coming home.
As a general rule, both soldier and wife have learned a lifestyle of independence that must be worked back into the fabric of marriage--much like when a couple first marries. I am used to receiving guidance and forming my own plans, with others providing my meals and doing my laundry. The wife is used to controlling all matters of the household and as a matter of survival, not second-guessing herself.
Obviously, the hardest path to negotiate will be in parenting out little boy. Certainly, a part of the wifey simply wants to hand the little one off to me and be done with parenting for a while. At the same time, she enjoys a precious singular bond with him that will now be shared with daddy as well. That could prove difficult. Will she filled with joy every time she sees me playing with him apart from her? I am not so sure. Will I always enjoy seeing the tricks and skills my wife utilizes in caring for him when I will seem so horribly inept when I return? Probably not.
Independence breeds competition, which is likely a participating factor in the dissolution of many marriages in the military and society-at-large. The wife and I will have to learn to become one in our marriage once more and thus complement one another. Individually, we can each survive as parents. Together, we thrive. And does my wife deserves this type of team-parenting after a year of surviving on her own (and doing a wonderful job)!
But this inevitable friction creeps into more discreet areas of the marriage as well, aside from parenting. Our financial management has always been a well-oiled machine, by God's grace. I love to budget, while the wifey hates it. Thus, I am the one constantly crunching and projecting numbers--helping us look at big picture matters like saving, paying off debt, and retirement.
The wifey also likes clear rules in our financial management (she loves rules!) to help guide her spending habits. So I budget a specific amount in our budget for groceries and discretionary and that provides her a cap for the month.
When I deployed, I handed off the whole budget to her. Knowing she didn't like the inner workings of it like I did, I simply offered her broad parameters--make sure to stay above a certain amount in checking and make sure that certain things were paid and accounted for each month. If checking went over a certain amount, she could put it into savings.
She did a fantastic job of holding to these parameters. In the past couple of weeks, I started tracking the budget again and getting very detailed in crunching numbers. This can seem off-putting to the wifey, who in her own distinct way has managed the budget.
Neither of us had to answer to anyone else on a number of issues this past year--now we answer to each other. Over and over again, we'll run into seemingly mundane issues that cause brief flare-ups because we are used to handling matters individually.
Last night, we compared this ordeal to that daily "hour of power" where the husband comes home from work and immediately wants a break, while the wife also wants a break from the baby. This is the hour where most couples experience their worst fighting. Both need help from the other, and both feel misunderstood by the other. My advice to husbands has always been to bite the bullet, suck it up, and serve their wives for that first hour.
In the same way, the wifey and I will both need help from each other in the coming weeks. I will likely be overcoming a great sleep deficit, adjusting to civilian life again, and learning how to parents. She will be overcoming a great sleep deficit and in need of an active helper in parenting. So what will give?
I will try to jump into action right away in limited ways to assist my wife; she will try to give me plenty of time to rest and adjust. Both of us are looking to serve the other, which provides a good start to this process. The process will be messy, but this mutual heart of service will be the key in helping us meld back into one entity and love and serve together once more.
Deployment doesn't truly end when a soldier returns--the fight for the homeland simply becomes a fight for home and hearth once more. But the same grace upon which we have stood during this deployment will serve us just as well in love as in war. We fight together in the Lord.
You Can't Spell Stephen Without S-E-T-H
Detained at Ft. Hood for outprocessing, I was unable to make it back for Seth's 9 month birthday, but I can still enjoy it from afar!
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