Due to its bold presentation, the universality of its availability, and the treachery of the human heart, porn has a near-dominant grip of men in our society and a sharply growing grip on women.
I talk with soldiers about this issue on occasion. Some celebrate their usage of it; Some are indifferent to their usage of it; Others are bothered or perhaps even repulsed by their struggle with it.
I hear many defenses of porn: "I'm not hurting anybody." "It's okay to look, just not touch." "I'm not looking at any of the hardcore stuff." "My spouse doesn't mind."
Here are five reasons why I believe this addictive epidemic must be fought at all costs:
1) Porn encourages selfishness. Sex is a time-consuming process that requires selflessness to be enjoyable. God created husbands and wives differently. They have very different needs and desires. Sex, unlike porn, requires mental energy, emotional intimacy, and words of affection. Porn, on the other hand, requires nothing but seeking one's own pleasure. It is self-love. And it is easy. There may not be others directly involved in the act, but those figures on the screen are made completely subservient to your pleasure. They are being used so that you can love yourself. And habits of the heart, even those enjoyed only in the dark, tend to become a lifestyle in the light as well.
2) Porn dehumanizes God's image-bearers. God, in His infinite wisdom, did not make men or women as a mere collection of body parts. He made them complex, with thoughts, emotions, moral sensibilities, and weirdness (those peculiar traits that set us apart from one another). He also made men and women very different from one another so that a veil of mystery obstructs easy love. Porn turns these complex people into mere animals, there to give another physical satisfaction, nothing more. All of the other personal dimensions are wiped away. And again, habits of the heart turn into lifestyles. People become what you think and you can not truly love a person unless you love the whole person.
3) Porn never satisfies. Like most addictive drugs, porn creates a yearning that only grows with time. This time, it might be a person in a swimsuit. Next time, that particular image will seem less exciting and more will be desired. Like other addictions, porn can become to take over your life. Hours a day are spent viewing images and videos that are increasingly perverse. Less and less time is spent with other people. More and more, social engagements, work, and other activities are seen as irritating distractions to the all-consuming addiction. That addiction grows until it begins to advance in the realm of the real, where illicit engagements are pursued, even at the cost of a marriage.
There is also great emotional/psychological consequences to porn. Unlike the stereotypes, porn addictions are not only fed by lust, but by loneliness, depression, anger, etc. If you feel rejected by your spouse, you can take refuge in porn. If you feel like no one understands you, you can take refuge in porn. If someone mistreats you, you can give them the other middle finger. But as with the physical component, the emotional rush quickly dissipates into emotions much darker than the ones that led you to that point. You feel even more alone, more unloved, more hopeless.
4) Porn destroys marriages. Spouses do not like being used or dehumanized. A porn addiction leads to that sort of treatment of a spouse. Life and love is no longer about sacrifice for another, but self-fulfillment. And an over-hyper sexual drive can quickly turn the creativity of marital sex into a gymnasium of the perverse. In addition, this seemingly physical act has ramifications for the rest of marriage. Emotional accessibility is blunted. Quality time is consumed. And a part of you is kept separate from your spouse, making them feel cheated, betrayed, and excluded. They are married to half a person, and most people will not suffer half a marriage indefinitely.
5) Porn distracts from what truly satisfies. Like a marital affair in the realm of real life, porn offers something that is already freely given. Song of Solomon talks often about the fulfilling pleasures of sex within marriage. Much of the fulfillment is found in the pleasure of the other, which is an ever-deepening cycle of joy and satisfaction. There is nothing satisfying that can be found in porn or an affair that can't be found with your spouse. Unlike the alternatives, marriage offers true marital satisfaction at the cost of sacrifice. Porn offers superfluous self-love at the cost of selflessness.
And the rich intimacy that can be found in your spouse alone points to the richer intimacy that can be had in Christ alone. Jesus Christ is not merely a buddy or best friend--He is the lover of the soul. The vulnerability, sacrifice, trust--all those things that belong to marriage also belong to those who are in Christ. God knows ever crevice of the soul, even the darkest places, and love the sinner in Christ to the very core of their being. Only He can truly satisfy the soul, and that satisfaction is found in glorifying the God who saved us. In the beauty of God's love for His people in Christ, porn is exposed as offering nothing but deceit and despair.
