I had a soldier come to me a few days ago, seeking advice for her sleep trouble.
Before investigating, the facts of the case must be established: How long have you had trouble sleeping? What are you thinking of during these times? What are you feeling? What cirumstances have recently changed in your life?
In this case, the soldier has struggled to sleep for a couple of weeks. She is thinking obsessively about action plans for prospective attacks against her team at their work site. There seems to be an anxiety and unease accompanying these thoughts. Both these thoughts and feelings are relatively new. The only significant change in circumstances she could think of was an additional stress that her government was placing on potential threats and protective measures.
Next, we need to start investigating the "Why's." The only circumstance to seemingly change is the renewed emphasis by her government on threats and safety.
What was life like before this circumstance changed? Work stayed at work--it didn't carry over into her free time or her sleep. She trusted her training and fellow soldiers and believed that she was prepared for all contingencies. She also knew that with some potential threats, there just frankly wasn't much she could do.
So what changed? What fear/insecurity did this circumstance expose?
Fear of death? Apparently not. She seems to have a pretty fatalistic view of death--it will happen when it will happen. No regrets. I believe her, even though I am skeptical that someone can remain so blase about death without an extraordinary amount of supression of thoughts and feelings.
Sense of helplessness? Nope. She still trusted her training and fellow soldiers. Her country is much more merit-based and less self-esteem based than our country, which enables her to trust that the soldier next to her is where he/she is supposed to be, rather than a possible charity case.
Advice for her sleep trouble--there are behavior changes (short-term fixes) and heart/thought changes. Possible behavior change:
Replacements of destructive thoughts, not mere repression. Often times, when we seek to combat a destructive thought pattern, we actually give it greater attention and mental energy. The person fighting lustful thoughts gives them safe harbor when he/she is thinking about not entertaining them. The person who struggles to have sex with his/her spouse does not find it gets easier by willing himself/herself to become more interested. In these cases and as a general rule, one must replace the thoughts entirely. For example, the non-sexual spouse should think about the virtues and beauties of their partner, rather than the act of sex itself.
In this case, I suggested replacing anxiety-producing thoughts with happy or positively-obsessive thoughts. What are this soldier's "happy places" or experiences and relationships that bring her joy? Also, what are "positive" obsessions for her--things that draw her into deep thought without harming her in any regard? For example, I get obsessive with running times. If I am going to run a 10k tomorrow, I will think about what I want my goal time to be and will spend a good amount of time thinking through what pace I want to run for what mile to get to my goal, while also enabling me to avoid crashing on the way there.
But my friend was one step ahead of me. She had tried replacing thought patterns, but to no avail. The current destructive thoughts were entrenched to deeply.
So we went back to the fears/insecurities, as the behavior solutions were not proving helpful, nor can we rely on a circumstance change. But we were reaching the same sorts of answers.
Finally, a small breakthrough--a variable she hadn't thought of before--several soldiers from her team had recently left and been replaced by new soldiers. A new circumstance. She realized quite quickly that she didn't trust these soldiers. A new line of thinking and feeling. But she could alter this circumstances. She could get to know these soldiers better and develop the bonds of trust, which seemed to be the real issue. Off she went.
I am thankful that this soldier was an ideal partner (not patient) in this investigative process. She wasn't apathetic (shoulder shrug..."I don't know"), nor was she antagonistic, defensive, or taking things personally. A counselor desires partners like these because nobody is more valuable in investigating a person's thoughts and feelings than that person. It also helped that she was an extravert, which meant that she externalized her thoughts as she considered each course, so that I not only saw the product of her thinking, but the process as well.
I have found in my counseling that if often not helpful to bring the conversation back to the Gospel during the first meeting (unless the partner is a Believer). One, it can be off-putting, as if counseling is just a pretext to proselytization and the soldier could come away feeling used and exploited. Two, it encourages easy-answer evangelism, where "Jesus" is quickly stapled onto a conversation in order to close discussion and make the problems seem easier than they actually are. I am oft-reminded of God's Word through James about being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. I will listen intently in the early going, but keep in mind future avenues for the Gospel.
But, as a final note, no problem involving security and trust can truly be resolved with addressing the matter of eternal security. If one is merely flotsam on the seas of changing circumstances, then a changed circumstance will simply mean a new wave of uncertainly to rise. Ultimately, the soul need be anchored to Jesus Christ, who offers unconditional love and security through His life and death. Only in humbling coming to the heart of this profound truth will we find the rest we truly need.
