In our few hours in the Middle East, I went out with about a dozen of my soldiers for our first drinks in half of a year.
Each soldier was allowed three drinks. Most everyone else got three large German beers. I got three small, mixed drinks: a Gin and Tonic, a Pina Colada, and a Tequila Sunrise. I thought those three drinks sounded the most tasty. When we went outside to our table and I told the soldiers what I ordered, a female at a nearby table asked me if I left my purse inside. We all enjoyed a good chuckle.
And as might be expected, once the soldiers started enjoying their drinks, the conversations deepened (or as I call such occasions, "manversations").
At one point, one of the soldiers abruptly broke off of a conversation and told me that I was the best chaplain he's ever had, and he's had quite a few chaplains. As you might expect if you know me pretty well, I didn't know how to handle the compliment. I gave a quick "Thanks," but followed it up immediately with, "Well, I love what I do." The soldier said that he could tell. I added that I also really cared about our soldiers. He said that he knew that as well.
As my wife told me later when I mentioned this to her, "Again, you can always just say 'thank you.'" Such a simple response is hard for me, as I such comments often fall on the knife's edge between my insecurity and arrogance (two sides of the same coin of self-idolatry).
But I must reflect on such comments, as soldiers at the end of a deployment are not prone to flattery. Also, this comment did not come in a vacuum. A number of soldiers told me something similar over the course of the deployment. As much as she likes them, I rarely conveyed these to my wife because I immediately downplayed them in my own head.
I mention all of this, not to boost my pride, but to rejoice in God's grace. Do you all remember how insecure I was, and how unwilling to rest in God's grace, as the beginning of this deployment? Do you remember how nervous I was about being a sufficient soldier and staff officer? Do you remember the time I received a counseling statement, just before leaving Texas, and how severely perturbed I was by the experience?
The same commander who counseled me and told me that while great with the soldiers, I was not a very good staff officer, told me the other day that the reason he wants to keep me in the unit until he leaves next Fall was because he wants to continue to help me grow, viewing us as having a mentorship-type of relationship. At the same time, he is willing to write me whatever recommendations I might need.
On a superficial level, I could trace my apparent success as a chaplain on this deployment to what I learned from my veteran brother years ago when I first joined the chaplaincy. He told me that the good chaplains rolled with their soldiers, while the bad ones sat behind a desk (my paraphrase). Many other vets and soldiers told me almost the exact same thing when I would ask. As a result, I rolled out on about two dozen convoys, visited soldiers on opposite ends of the country, worked out with soldiers, counseled soldiers, and visited soldiers often. They knew me and I knew them. I loved them.
On a deeper level, the hand of God in all of this is unmistakable. There were so many times when the wheels were greased for my greater involvement in the lives of soldiers--all I often had to do was say "Yes, I'll go." More important, God gave me words when I was speechless, and enabled me to serve when I was paralyzed with doubt. He gave me strength, though I was so very, very weak.
I am concluding this deployment with a greater confidence in my calling as a chaplain, not because of great feats that enabled me to "believe in myself" more, but because God fed the truth of 1 Tim. 1:15-16 deeper into my heart. Christ came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But He did this to show His unlimited patience as an example for those who might believe and have eternal life.
I always thought that such an example was simply for others to see the grace of God in the life of a sinner. I now know that such an example is also for me, that I might truly believe that God can and will use me with unending patience, though I am such a weak vessel.
It would be a cliche for me to say that I am not the man I used to be, though that cliche certainly proves true for me. But the greater reality is that since God granted me saving faith in His Son years ago, I have not been the same man--I belong body and soul, in life and in death, to Jesus Christ. That is the monumental change, and it occurred long ago. The more recent change is simply this: Now, I am more likely to believe it.
18.1.14
The Spin Cycle
The Army waited until we were nice and rested from 48 hours of traveling around the world and across the country, then dropped us into a five hour class on VA benefits, starting early in the morning. Many a doodle were likely crafted, resembling various instructors.
I could barely talk to the wifey last night, I was so exhausted. She and the boy could certainly relate.
So we have come full circle. I spent the first two months of the deployment here, in the oft-withering heat. We wore the light green uniforms while returning soldiers wore the dark green. Now, we wear the dark green and watch as others don the uniform of the uninitiated. The climate is also changed, as we have traded the Texas summer for a pleasant, sun-mingled winter.
Everything seems a bit surreal. Lacking the normal time at an in-between location on the way back, the scenery and lifestyle has dramatically changed in a mere couple of days.
It can be confusing and a bit overwhelming. At times, I feel jovial and light-hearted; At other times, crabby and impatient. I can track the similar wavering of thoughts and emotions in my soldiers.
Two more soldiers were killed in Afghanistan this past week, and a popular restaurant was bombed, killing 21 people, including two Americans and a number of Western diplomats and aid workers. The restaurant was in the heart of Kabul, the city we so recently departed.
It is easy to revert to thinking of it as a remote ordeal, until I remember that our teams are still going out most days, visiting sites and advising Afghan counterparts throughout the city.
As for me and my family, whatever the future holds, the reunion will surely be sweet. I got a taste of it (two nights ago?) in Baltimore--crawling along the floor with my boy and sharing a cup of wine with my wife.
When we set him down to sleep, we tried to disappear from his view by lying back on the bed. Didn't work. I looked over and saw him standing up, hanging on the edge, watching us as he bawled.
The wifey, matured by this past year's experience, was undaunted. Alongside feelings of guilt for leaving my boy on the other side of the room after just returning from the other side of the world, I had the more mundane thought of "I didn't know he could stand in his crib like that."
I left when he was a largely unresponsive baby. Now, he is a little boy with humor and energy.
He will likely start walking soon, and I think running will soon follow. Back just in time.
I could barely talk to the wifey last night, I was so exhausted. She and the boy could certainly relate.
So we have come full circle. I spent the first two months of the deployment here, in the oft-withering heat. We wore the light green uniforms while returning soldiers wore the dark green. Now, we wear the dark green and watch as others don the uniform of the uninitiated. The climate is also changed, as we have traded the Texas summer for a pleasant, sun-mingled winter.
Everything seems a bit surreal. Lacking the normal time at an in-between location on the way back, the scenery and lifestyle has dramatically changed in a mere couple of days.
It can be confusing and a bit overwhelming. At times, I feel jovial and light-hearted; At other times, crabby and impatient. I can track the similar wavering of thoughts and emotions in my soldiers.
Two more soldiers were killed in Afghanistan this past week, and a popular restaurant was bombed, killing 21 people, including two Americans and a number of Western diplomats and aid workers. The restaurant was in the heart of Kabul, the city we so recently departed.
It is easy to revert to thinking of it as a remote ordeal, until I remember that our teams are still going out most days, visiting sites and advising Afghan counterparts throughout the city.
As for me and my family, whatever the future holds, the reunion will surely be sweet. I got a taste of it (two nights ago?) in Baltimore--crawling along the floor with my boy and sharing a cup of wine with my wife.
When we set him down to sleep, we tried to disappear from his view by lying back on the bed. Didn't work. I looked over and saw him standing up, hanging on the edge, watching us as he bawled.
The wifey, matured by this past year's experience, was undaunted. Alongside feelings of guilt for leaving my boy on the other side of the room after just returning from the other side of the world, I had the more mundane thought of "I didn't know he could stand in his crib like that."
I left when he was a largely unresponsive baby. Now, he is a little boy with humor and energy.
He will likely start walking soon, and I think running will soon follow. Back just in time.
17.1.14
Remembering 9/11
I have primarily read two books during 30 or so hours of flying over the past couple of days, Ordinary People; Extraordinary Heroes, chronicling stories of heroism on 9/11, and The Fellowship of the Ring.
It is so easy to forget the violence and horror of September 11th.
At unprovoked attack was launched against our country, with commercial planes filled with civilians used as missiles to attack two of our most storied skyscrapers, also filled with civilians.
What must it have felt like to be above the collision points in the Twin Towers, knowing that your way to safety was effectively blocked? Or to be an emergency coordinator who conceded that there was no hope of rescuing the trapped people on those floors?
What must it have been like to be below the towers when the second plane struck above and know that this was no accident? What would it have felt like to be in the north tower when the south tower crumbled to the crown, presaging the demise of the north tower as well?
All of these thoughts and feelings were going through the minds of the civilians fleeing down the stairwells and the rescue workers climbing toward ever-greater danger.
Yet, on the rescue workers pressed. Some of them may not have expected to die, though many likely knew it with greater certainly after the first tower collapsed, but many of them realized pretty quickly that this would likely be their last day on earth.
Rick Rescorla was the top platoon leader serving under Lieutenant Colonel Hal Moore in the battle of Ia Drang, and the face on the cover of Moore's eventual book, We Were Soldiers Once, and Young. He was an incredibly decorated war hero from Vietnam, and had largely anticipated the 9/11 attacks, which is why most of the employees of the firm he provided security for were able to escape the south tower before it was hit by the second plane.
In his final phone call to his wife, he told her that he would not stop saving people from the towers until they were all out. He concluded by telling her, "You made my life."
For many a rescue worker, realizing that they were likely proceeding to their deaths, this knowledge prompted handshakes and hugs before walking up the stairs--a final act of love and gallantry toward their brothers-in-service.
On 9/11, one coordinated terrorist attack was perpetrated on the the United States of America. Four planes were turned into weapons of terror. Three found their target. All of these matters are quantifiable.
What cannot be quantified is the countless acts of heroism on 9/11, where thousands of rescue workers and civilians, not knowing the nature of their enemy and without weapons, began to fight back and guard lives at the cost of their own.
The passengers of Flight 93 were soldiers, and they won the battle for either the U.S. Capitol or White House. With pick axes and fire extinguishers, thousands of firefighters and police officers stormed the world's biggest deathtraps, winning the battle for thousands of lives.
Each of these first-response soldiers left behind spouses, parents, siblings, and children. Because of them, many thousands more went home to their families.
On 9/11, our freedom came under attack. But it was not freedom, but moral conviction, that allowed the first wave of heroes to defend our freedom at the cost of their own lives. Let us forever pay them homage, not in their defense of freedom, but in their moral courage that saw freedom and the dignity of human life as worth their sacrifice.
It is so easy to forget the violence and horror of September 11th.
At unprovoked attack was launched against our country, with commercial planes filled with civilians used as missiles to attack two of our most storied skyscrapers, also filled with civilians.
What must it have felt like to be above the collision points in the Twin Towers, knowing that your way to safety was effectively blocked? Or to be an emergency coordinator who conceded that there was no hope of rescuing the trapped people on those floors?
What must it have been like to be below the towers when the second plane struck above and know that this was no accident? What would it have felt like to be in the north tower when the south tower crumbled to the crown, presaging the demise of the north tower as well?
All of these thoughts and feelings were going through the minds of the civilians fleeing down the stairwells and the rescue workers climbing toward ever-greater danger.
Yet, on the rescue workers pressed. Some of them may not have expected to die, though many likely knew it with greater certainly after the first tower collapsed, but many of them realized pretty quickly that this would likely be their last day on earth.
Rick Rescorla was the top platoon leader serving under Lieutenant Colonel Hal Moore in the battle of Ia Drang, and the face on the cover of Moore's eventual book, We Were Soldiers Once, and Young. He was an incredibly decorated war hero from Vietnam, and had largely anticipated the 9/11 attacks, which is why most of the employees of the firm he provided security for were able to escape the south tower before it was hit by the second plane.
In his final phone call to his wife, he told her that he would not stop saving people from the towers until they were all out. He concluded by telling her, "You made my life."
For many a rescue worker, realizing that they were likely proceeding to their deaths, this knowledge prompted handshakes and hugs before walking up the stairs--a final act of love and gallantry toward their brothers-in-service.
On 9/11, one coordinated terrorist attack was perpetrated on the the United States of America. Four planes were turned into weapons of terror. Three found their target. All of these matters are quantifiable.
What cannot be quantified is the countless acts of heroism on 9/11, where thousands of rescue workers and civilians, not knowing the nature of their enemy and without weapons, began to fight back and guard lives at the cost of their own.
The passengers of Flight 93 were soldiers, and they won the battle for either the U.S. Capitol or White House. With pick axes and fire extinguishers, thousands of firefighters and police officers stormed the world's biggest deathtraps, winning the battle for thousands of lives.
Each of these first-response soldiers left behind spouses, parents, siblings, and children. Because of them, many thousands more went home to their families.
On 9/11, our freedom came under attack. But it was not freedom, but moral conviction, that allowed the first wave of heroes to defend our freedom at the cost of their own lives. Let us forever pay them homage, not in their defense of freedom, but in their moral courage that saw freedom and the dignity of human life as worth their sacrifice.
The Journey Home
Preparing to leave my post of the last four months. The trip grew increasingly complicated as we had to travel to two separate locations in Afghanistan before leaving. This meant less relaxation and recovery and an extra dose of stress!
Leaving Afghanistan! You can see the myriad of reactions on the faces of soldiers. Some are relieved; others, anxious. Soldiers begin to feel the sheer weight of months of cumulative exhaustion, and all are set off-balance by adjusting their mindset back toward home.
Flying over the Alps. After a stressful twelve hours in our last location in Afghanistan, and a stressful twelve hours in a Middle Eastern country, I got my first experience of Europe. I visited Italy, flew over the Alps, then visited Germany--all in 24 hours! Check that off the bucket list! Back to Africa...
After a final jot across the ocean, I enjoyed a brief reunion with my family in Baltimore. My son enjoyed making me his jungle gym and my wife enjoyed the company of her best friend, at least for a night. Even though the notice that I would be staying overnight was last minute, the wifey thoughtfully brought a Chick-Fil-A sandwich and bottle of wine from our time in Texas. The sandwich was one of the most delicious things I have ever eaten!
Another soldier got to meet his baby for the first time. In the limited time they had here, soldiers opted to enjoy different things. Some soldiers simply watched T.V. in their hotel rooms. Others had McDonalds for the first time in the better part of a year. One gal rented a car and drove to her house in Fredericksburg, VA, well over an hour away, to suprise her mother, then drove back to the airport.
Now, we all are making our way back to Texas to outprocess, via Atlanta. As warm as our reception was at the airport by a few families, soldiers, and veterans, we know we are in the south by the number of random strangers who come up to us, look us in the eye, shake our hands, and thank us for our service (including kids and teenagers).
Spinning Home
What a crazy past 24 horus!
I arrived at a country in the Middle East late on Wednesday night and left before dawn the next morning for Italy for a layover, then to Germany for a layover, and finally back to the States.
Not quite home, but I did get to enjoying seeing my wife, boy, and some of my family at the aiport before moving to our mob station.
I will blog more about my final adventures in the coming days, but the bottom line is that I am back and safe in the States, by the grace of God, and looking forward to going home!
I arrived at a country in the Middle East late on Wednesday night and left before dawn the next morning for Italy for a layover, then to Germany for a layover, and finally back to the States.
Not quite home, but I did get to enjoying seeing my wife, boy, and some of my family at the aiport before moving to our mob station.
I will blog more about my final adventures in the coming days, but the bottom line is that I am back and safe in the States, by the grace of God, and looking forward to going home!
14.1.14
Nighty Night for Soldiers
I stayed up for most of the night in a flight terminal at my last location in country.
In part, this was due to the activity of my soldiers, most of whom were staying up--likely out of anticipation for coming home and also to spend more time with each other. One group played hacky sack, and many others talked to loved ones on their computers. I was able to Face Time my wife for the first time in several days. In the process, I got to watch her feed my funny little boy.
I ended up catching an hour or two of very cold, uncomfortable sleep, wedged under the arm rests of a row of metal seats. I had to inhale to squeeze under them, which means that most people had no choice but to sleep on top of them if they chose to sleep.
After my intermittent sleep, I walked to the nearby USO, where some of my soldiers were reported to be. I came upon the building--labeled "Pat Tillman's House"--and went inside to discover what looked and felt to be a high-end cabin in the woods. There was a bar with coffee at the ready, and dozens of faux leather couches and chairs, each filled with a sleeping soldier.
A weird feeling came over me as I walked further into the "house." I felt like I was in the States--perhaps at a friend's house, where I could fall asleep without remembering that I am far from home.
I realized that every other soldier had come to the same conclusion. Each soldier was sleeping like a baby, perhaps the first time in a long time. In moments like these, I remember that each of these warriors is still someone's child, though being out here likely devoured their remaining innocence.
And many of these "children" occupying the chairs have young children of their own. While these children all remain anxious for daddy to come home, they also sleep in peace, due in large part to what their daddy did or is doing over here.
Nothing cries out for life and love like war. In the wee hours of the morning, I discovered the same link proves true for war and innocence.
On January 9th, three more soldiers, currently unknown to the public, were killed in a helicopter crash in eastern Afghanistan. Their names may not be known to us, but they are known to parents, to little children, and to God.
In part, this was due to the activity of my soldiers, most of whom were staying up--likely out of anticipation for coming home and also to spend more time with each other. One group played hacky sack, and many others talked to loved ones on their computers. I was able to Face Time my wife for the first time in several days. In the process, I got to watch her feed my funny little boy.
I ended up catching an hour or two of very cold, uncomfortable sleep, wedged under the arm rests of a row of metal seats. I had to inhale to squeeze under them, which means that most people had no choice but to sleep on top of them if they chose to sleep.
After my intermittent sleep, I walked to the nearby USO, where some of my soldiers were reported to be. I came upon the building--labeled "Pat Tillman's House"--and went inside to discover what looked and felt to be a high-end cabin in the woods. There was a bar with coffee at the ready, and dozens of faux leather couches and chairs, each filled with a sleeping soldier.
A weird feeling came over me as I walked further into the "house." I felt like I was in the States--perhaps at a friend's house, where I could fall asleep without remembering that I am far from home.
I realized that every other soldier had come to the same conclusion. Each soldier was sleeping like a baby, perhaps the first time in a long time. In moments like these, I remember that each of these warriors is still someone's child, though being out here likely devoured their remaining innocence.
And many of these "children" occupying the chairs have young children of their own. While these children all remain anxious for daddy to come home, they also sleep in peace, due in large part to what their daddy did or is doing over here.
Nothing cries out for life and love like war. In the wee hours of the morning, I discovered the same link proves true for war and innocence.
On January 9th, three more soldiers, currently unknown to the public, were killed in a helicopter crash in eastern Afghanistan. Their names may not be known to us, but they are known to parents, to little children, and to God.
Early Expectations
I will be returning home soon.
This is a great opportunity for folks to remember previous posts on matters such as post-deployment issues, recovery, and separation from families.
I will be vacationing for two weeks in February with my dear wife and little boy. During that time, I will only be accessible for emergencies.
In the time between my return and that vacation, I will visit a bit with my wider family and attend worship services, but will generally be inaccessible in order to spend as much time with my immediate family as possible.
Things will begin to really open up in late February, and God-willing, I should be refreshed enough to open our home fully with my full-time return to the church on March 1st.
With these boundaries in place, I look forward to rejoining my wider family of friends and fellow believers after I reacquaint myself with my precious family. I have missed you all dearly. May God be praised for reunions!
This is a great opportunity for folks to remember previous posts on matters such as post-deployment issues, recovery, and separation from families.
I will be vacationing for two weeks in February with my dear wife and little boy. During that time, I will only be accessible for emergencies.
In the time between my return and that vacation, I will visit a bit with my wider family and attend worship services, but will generally be inaccessible in order to spend as much time with my immediate family as possible.
Things will begin to really open up in late February, and God-willing, I should be refreshed enough to open our home fully with my full-time return to the church on March 1st.
With these boundaries in place, I look forward to rejoining my wider family of friends and fellow believers after I reacquaint myself with my precious family. I have missed you all dearly. May God be praised for reunions!
Cultural Christianity: Everyone's Enemy
It often takes the wind out of someone's argumentative sails when you agree with them...
I had a soldier explaining to me the list of social ills caused by Christianity (and I appreciate his honesty): marginalization of others, theocratic political quests, etc.
I agreed, with a caviat.
Those ills are derived from a cultural Christianity that redefines its core beliefs away from the Savior of sin to cultural and political objectives. For some, Christianity is synonymous with being a "good person," and those who aren't good people aren't Christians. For some, it is about the restoration of morals to society. For others, it might be the pursuit of health and wealth.
In whatever cases, these worldviews are not Christianity. They are a this-worldly culture created in its place. They are counterfeits. They are heresies.
Orthodox Christianity primarily concerns itself with the biblical account of God and man and the salvation accomplished by Christ by faith in His name in order to bridge the two.
While orthodox Christians are still most certainly sinners, they recognize that they are sinners saved by grace, and this breeds gratitude. Self-righteousness and hypocrisy (which is endemic to all of us) is not a fruit of Christianity, but an expression of its replacement in thought and/or deed.
We need to stop adopting earthly utopias as the primary mission of Christianity, accomplished through politics, cultural movements, etc.
Paraphrasing Machen, in order to move the world you must first have a place outside of the world to stand. That place is in biblical Christianity, and causes no offense but in the cross of Christ.
I had a soldier explaining to me the list of social ills caused by Christianity (and I appreciate his honesty): marginalization of others, theocratic political quests, etc.
I agreed, with a caviat.
Those ills are derived from a cultural Christianity that redefines its core beliefs away from the Savior of sin to cultural and political objectives. For some, Christianity is synonymous with being a "good person," and those who aren't good people aren't Christians. For some, it is about the restoration of morals to society. For others, it might be the pursuit of health and wealth.
In whatever cases, these worldviews are not Christianity. They are a this-worldly culture created in its place. They are counterfeits. They are heresies.
Orthodox Christianity primarily concerns itself with the biblical account of God and man and the salvation accomplished by Christ by faith in His name in order to bridge the two.
While orthodox Christians are still most certainly sinners, they recognize that they are sinners saved by grace, and this breeds gratitude. Self-righteousness and hypocrisy (which is endemic to all of us) is not a fruit of Christianity, but an expression of its replacement in thought and/or deed.
We need to stop adopting earthly utopias as the primary mission of Christianity, accomplished through politics, cultural movements, etc.
Paraphrasing Machen, in order to move the world you must first have a place outside of the world to stand. That place is in biblical Christianity, and causes no offense but in the cross of Christ.
13.1.14
FYI
Greetings, friends.
I might be offline for a day or two, but that is all for the best! I'll be back up and running soon and the wifey will let you know when I am Stateside.
With Gratitude in Christ,
Stephen
I might be offline for a day or two, but that is all for the best! I'll be back up and running soon and the wifey will let you know when I am Stateside.
With Gratitude in Christ,
Stephen
The Cost of War
As a quick aside, there is a Senate candidate in Nebraska who will rise in prominence pretty soon and has my admiration: http://www.nationalreview.com/article/368081/obamacares-cornhusker-nemesis-john-j-millerhttp://www.nationalreview.com/article/368081/obamacares-cornhusker-nemesis-john-j-miller.
He is a charitable intellectual in the mold of Paul Ryan, and I had the pleasure of organizing an election party in McLean at which he was a guest. His is a phenomenal story of rags-to-riches sort of success. He is a generalist, showing a vast aptitude for politics, philosophy, law, economics, and theology. It also doesn't hurt that he's firmly entrenched within my preferred theological circles:
http://www.amazon.com/Here-Stand-Confessing-Evangelicals-Reformation/dp/0875526705/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389641371&sr=1-5&keywords=here+we+stand
That aside now aside, I gathered most of my deploying soldiers into our small little movie room to watch Lone Survivor tonight. It is the true story of a team of four Navy Seals who went out on one of their special missions, only to have everything foiled by a couple of goat herders. It involves one of the most consequential moral decisions made in this war--whether to let the civilians, likely with Taliban connections--loose, and thus expose their position and risk their lives.
You'll have to watch the movie to see the decisions they made and their consequences, but in doing so, you will likely see the best war movie of the current generation of warfare. The hype from other soldiers had already reached the ears of my own, and even with the hype, not a one of them--from the colonel to the specialist--came away disappointed.
When it looked like the movie was over, I heard soldiers muttering about how good it was. Then the concluding screen gave way to pictures of some of the lost soldiers holding their children, and video of one of them dancing with his bride at his wedding. Every soldier with me sat back down and didn't make a noise. Afterward, one of my enlisted soldiers said that if he was at a theater in the States, and people tried to get up during that portion, he would tell them to show some respect and sit back down.
Soldiers are particularly sensitive about the families and families of those lost. These families are the uncounted cost of war. You can see it in the pictures of love shown at the end that are now but memories.
I asked a group of my soldiers about the movie at midnight chow. I asked them whether they thought the movie oversold or undersold what soldiers have to go through. Most of these soldiers have deployed multiple times to Iraq and/or Afghanistan. They thought it was dead on. It was realistic in that it was a bit gruesome, but not toned down nor over-dramatized.
I asked them whether they thought the movie demonized soldiers (like, say, Full Metal Jacket does at times) or deifies them (like, say, Glory). Again, the soldiers thought it struck the right balance. The soldiers in the movie were forced to make tough decisions, for better or worse, were shot up and hurt but resilient, made jokes and indicated their affection for another, with a few sweet words said about their families throughout.
My hope for a movie like this is that it continues to enjoy popularity throughout the country--that people would see flesh and blood soldiers fighting for each other and for flesh and blood families, that they would know that the fight is still going on, and that it's not the military's fight, but America's fight.
But the best recommendations, from our fighting men and women, have already come in. The names that are tattooed on many of their arms or hearts have been honored by this film. For that, they are thankful.
He is a charitable intellectual in the mold of Paul Ryan, and I had the pleasure of organizing an election party in McLean at which he was a guest. His is a phenomenal story of rags-to-riches sort of success. He is a generalist, showing a vast aptitude for politics, philosophy, law, economics, and theology. It also doesn't hurt that he's firmly entrenched within my preferred theological circles:
http://www.amazon.com/Here-Stand-Confessing-Evangelicals-Reformation/dp/0875526705/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389641371&sr=1-5&keywords=here+we+stand
That aside now aside, I gathered most of my deploying soldiers into our small little movie room to watch Lone Survivor tonight. It is the true story of a team of four Navy Seals who went out on one of their special missions, only to have everything foiled by a couple of goat herders. It involves one of the most consequential moral decisions made in this war--whether to let the civilians, likely with Taliban connections--loose, and thus expose their position and risk their lives.
You'll have to watch the movie to see the decisions they made and their consequences, but in doing so, you will likely see the best war movie of the current generation of warfare. The hype from other soldiers had already reached the ears of my own, and even with the hype, not a one of them--from the colonel to the specialist--came away disappointed.
When it looked like the movie was over, I heard soldiers muttering about how good it was. Then the concluding screen gave way to pictures of some of the lost soldiers holding their children, and video of one of them dancing with his bride at his wedding. Every soldier with me sat back down and didn't make a noise. Afterward, one of my enlisted soldiers said that if he was at a theater in the States, and people tried to get up during that portion, he would tell them to show some respect and sit back down.
Soldiers are particularly sensitive about the families and families of those lost. These families are the uncounted cost of war. You can see it in the pictures of love shown at the end that are now but memories.
I asked a group of my soldiers about the movie at midnight chow. I asked them whether they thought the movie oversold or undersold what soldiers have to go through. Most of these soldiers have deployed multiple times to Iraq and/or Afghanistan. They thought it was dead on. It was realistic in that it was a bit gruesome, but not toned down nor over-dramatized.
I asked them whether they thought the movie demonized soldiers (like, say, Full Metal Jacket does at times) or deifies them (like, say, Glory). Again, the soldiers thought it struck the right balance. The soldiers in the movie were forced to make tough decisions, for better or worse, were shot up and hurt but resilient, made jokes and indicated their affection for another, with a few sweet words said about their families throughout.
My hope for a movie like this is that it continues to enjoy popularity throughout the country--that people would see flesh and blood soldiers fighting for each other and for flesh and blood families, that they would know that the fight is still going on, and that it's not the military's fight, but America's fight.
But the best recommendations, from our fighting men and women, have already come in. The names that are tattooed on many of their arms or hearts have been honored by this film. For that, they are thankful.
Random Tidbits
I have watched three movies recently: The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug, Anchorman 2, and most of American Hustle.
The Hobbit was a thoroughly enjoyable movie with fine acting and great visual effects. There is also nothing morally objectionable about the movie, which makes it a good option for family time.
Anchorman 2, with Will Ferrell at the helm, produced all the great laughing lines that one might expect. Ferrell's brand of punchy comedy is best suited for young adults, particularly males.
American Hustle was an incredibly weak movie, in my mind. For me, the kiss of death for a movie seems to come when it receives ample acclaim and awards from the Hollywood elites. If a movie appears artsy or edgy, that seems enough to earn it a stamp of approval. The characters were not endearing, nor was the storyline compelling. In a rare pique of disinterest, I decided about an hour in that the movie was not worth my time and I'd rather read a book.
Speaking of books, I am nearing the end of Ross Douthat's A Nation of Heretics. Douthat, a former editor at The Atlantic, current movie reviewer for National Review, and token conservative for the editorial pages of The New York Times is always worth a good read. His logical precision is matched by a rare gift for prose that you would only expect from one trained-up in Roman Catholic institutions. He makes enough bold assertions to provoke complaint from virtually any audience, but his contentions are strong enough to deserve consideration and his erudite rhetoric makes such an engagement an enjoyable one.
His primary contention, leveled against both those broadly belonging the New Atheist school and those who would broadly associate with the Religious Right: America is neither becoming more "theocratic" or more "secular." The nation as a whole has maintained about the same level of vague spirituality throughout its history. Rather, Christianity in America is simply becoming increasingly heretical.
The cultural accommodation of theological liberals and the anti-intellectualism of fundamentalists both have drastically undermined the intellectual and cultural tour de force that orthodox Christianity naturally represents. He chronicles the demise of orthodox Christianity in America in the second half of the twentieth century, and already knowing much of the Protestant story, I find his account of Roman Catholicism's demise to be particularly interesting.
He notes two trends in particular that have eroded the solid foundations of biblical, orthodox Christianity. One is the "prosperity gospel" (also called "health and wealth"). Rather than abiding by the stark, other-worldliness of orthodox Christianity, this group (headlined by the televangelists of the '80s, and folks like Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, and Creflo Dollar today) baptizes an obsession with materialism and self-esteem with Christian jargon. God does not promise earthly riches to the Christian, but warns of its danger and instead promises suffering. You cannot possibly have "Your Best Life Now" (an Osteen title), when the treasures we accumulate are in heaven. To promise the "best life" in this world of sin and tears in a heinous thing to do for broken people. These figures have also largely disposed of the substance, if not the vocabulary as well, of orthodox Christianity. God's holiness, man's depravity, salvation through Christ--all of these things are redefined if not disposed of entirely.
The other trend Douthat labels the "God Within" movement. People are not leaving Christianity for nothing, he argues, but rather are becoming "spiritual but not religious." In essence, he is referring to the modern paganism so beloved by Oprah and Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love. This movement, very much existing within the Church as well at outside, identifies God with one's innermost being and desires--so seeking out God means seeking deeply within oneself. This is what Gilbert does, when she leaves her husband, dabbles in a bunch of Eastern spiritualities, takes upon herself a new lover, and discovers the revelation that all religions are the same and are merely expression of the human spirit.
Much of this spirituality can be identified with the ancient Gnostic heresy (well chronicled in many books by Dr. Peter Jones), which countered the clear claims of Christianity with a "secret knowledge" of inward spirituality. The big difference between today's paganism and ancient Gnostic-paganism is that today's paganism doesn't disdain the material world like the old, but instead, embraces a pantheism (God is in all things). The movie, Avatar, very much represented this spirituality.
Of course, this spirituality, much like postmodern experientialism more generally, has come under withering critique from many corners for basically spiritualizing one's selfish, uninhibited hedonism (pleasure is God). There is no responsibility for oneself except to oneself, and no accountability to call someone to live for something that in any way challenges their desires.
Both of these currents of thought, which exist in latent form in much of our society, if not explicit through people like Oprah, also now makeup a sizable percentage of the visible Church, including a wide swath of evangelicals. Increasingly, despite sharp differences on matters of salvation and biblical authority, orthodox evangelicals are finding greater commonality with Roman Catholicism than with many of their heterodox evangelical counterparts.
The battle being fought in somewhat new in modern times, but the cause being defended is the same. In the early twentieth century, orthodox Christianity was besieged by a deistic rationalism (God of the autonomous human intellect) that often sought to "save" Christianity be accommodating it to science and modern conceptions of truth. With the pretensions of such rationalism now largely washed away, orthodox Christianity now contends with a pantheistic mysticism (God of the autonomous human experience). In both cases, many people sought to save Christianity by destroying the most essential parts of it. A transcendent God who will judge the world who made Himself immanently personal and accessible through Jesus Christ is utterly unacceptable to these folks.
Unlike the prior generations of rationalists, we cannot banish the supernatural God in favor of a more intelligible God of our own making. Unlike the current generation of mystics, we cannot weave God into our own being to baptize all of our selfish desires. Thus, Christians must reassert the truth--both within the Church and without--that the God of the Bible is who He says His is in His Word. Any attempt to throw God away or drag Him down into ourselves will prove futile, and it is not Christianity, plain and simple.
We must recognize that the sovereign God of the universe became man in the person of Jesus Christ, offering salvation from sin through faith in Him alone. We can either embrace the Savior who made Himself accessible in love and grace while bearing God's justice in His own body, or we can await the Day when this same Savior returns as Judge, calling all to account for trying to banish Him from the universe or incorporate Him into human experience.
The Hobbit was a thoroughly enjoyable movie with fine acting and great visual effects. There is also nothing morally objectionable about the movie, which makes it a good option for family time.
Anchorman 2, with Will Ferrell at the helm, produced all the great laughing lines that one might expect. Ferrell's brand of punchy comedy is best suited for young adults, particularly males.
American Hustle was an incredibly weak movie, in my mind. For me, the kiss of death for a movie seems to come when it receives ample acclaim and awards from the Hollywood elites. If a movie appears artsy or edgy, that seems enough to earn it a stamp of approval. The characters were not endearing, nor was the storyline compelling. In a rare pique of disinterest, I decided about an hour in that the movie was not worth my time and I'd rather read a book.
Speaking of books, I am nearing the end of Ross Douthat's A Nation of Heretics. Douthat, a former editor at The Atlantic, current movie reviewer for National Review, and token conservative for the editorial pages of The New York Times is always worth a good read. His logical precision is matched by a rare gift for prose that you would only expect from one trained-up in Roman Catholic institutions. He makes enough bold assertions to provoke complaint from virtually any audience, but his contentions are strong enough to deserve consideration and his erudite rhetoric makes such an engagement an enjoyable one.
His primary contention, leveled against both those broadly belonging the New Atheist school and those who would broadly associate with the Religious Right: America is neither becoming more "theocratic" or more "secular." The nation as a whole has maintained about the same level of vague spirituality throughout its history. Rather, Christianity in America is simply becoming increasingly heretical.
The cultural accommodation of theological liberals and the anti-intellectualism of fundamentalists both have drastically undermined the intellectual and cultural tour de force that orthodox Christianity naturally represents. He chronicles the demise of orthodox Christianity in America in the second half of the twentieth century, and already knowing much of the Protestant story, I find his account of Roman Catholicism's demise to be particularly interesting.
He notes two trends in particular that have eroded the solid foundations of biblical, orthodox Christianity. One is the "prosperity gospel" (also called "health and wealth"). Rather than abiding by the stark, other-worldliness of orthodox Christianity, this group (headlined by the televangelists of the '80s, and folks like Benny Hinn, Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, and Creflo Dollar today) baptizes an obsession with materialism and self-esteem with Christian jargon. God does not promise earthly riches to the Christian, but warns of its danger and instead promises suffering. You cannot possibly have "Your Best Life Now" (an Osteen title), when the treasures we accumulate are in heaven. To promise the "best life" in this world of sin and tears in a heinous thing to do for broken people. These figures have also largely disposed of the substance, if not the vocabulary as well, of orthodox Christianity. God's holiness, man's depravity, salvation through Christ--all of these things are redefined if not disposed of entirely.
The other trend Douthat labels the "God Within" movement. People are not leaving Christianity for nothing, he argues, but rather are becoming "spiritual but not religious." In essence, he is referring to the modern paganism so beloved by Oprah and Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love. This movement, very much existing within the Church as well at outside, identifies God with one's innermost being and desires--so seeking out God means seeking deeply within oneself. This is what Gilbert does, when she leaves her husband, dabbles in a bunch of Eastern spiritualities, takes upon herself a new lover, and discovers the revelation that all religions are the same and are merely expression of the human spirit.
Much of this spirituality can be identified with the ancient Gnostic heresy (well chronicled in many books by Dr. Peter Jones), which countered the clear claims of Christianity with a "secret knowledge" of inward spirituality. The big difference between today's paganism and ancient Gnostic-paganism is that today's paganism doesn't disdain the material world like the old, but instead, embraces a pantheism (God is in all things). The movie, Avatar, very much represented this spirituality.
Of course, this spirituality, much like postmodern experientialism more generally, has come under withering critique from many corners for basically spiritualizing one's selfish, uninhibited hedonism (pleasure is God). There is no responsibility for oneself except to oneself, and no accountability to call someone to live for something that in any way challenges their desires.
Both of these currents of thought, which exist in latent form in much of our society, if not explicit through people like Oprah, also now makeup a sizable percentage of the visible Church, including a wide swath of evangelicals. Increasingly, despite sharp differences on matters of salvation and biblical authority, orthodox evangelicals are finding greater commonality with Roman Catholicism than with many of their heterodox evangelical counterparts.
The battle being fought in somewhat new in modern times, but the cause being defended is the same. In the early twentieth century, orthodox Christianity was besieged by a deistic rationalism (God of the autonomous human intellect) that often sought to "save" Christianity be accommodating it to science and modern conceptions of truth. With the pretensions of such rationalism now largely washed away, orthodox Christianity now contends with a pantheistic mysticism (God of the autonomous human experience). In both cases, many people sought to save Christianity by destroying the most essential parts of it. A transcendent God who will judge the world who made Himself immanently personal and accessible through Jesus Christ is utterly unacceptable to these folks.
Unlike the prior generations of rationalists, we cannot banish the supernatural God in favor of a more intelligible God of our own making. Unlike the current generation of mystics, we cannot weave God into our own being to baptize all of our selfish desires. Thus, Christians must reassert the truth--both within the Church and without--that the God of the Bible is who He says His is in His Word. Any attempt to throw God away or drag Him down into ourselves will prove futile, and it is not Christianity, plain and simple.
We must recognize that the sovereign God of the universe became man in the person of Jesus Christ, offering salvation from sin through faith in Him alone. We can either embrace the Savior who made Himself accessible in love and grace while bearing God's justice in His own body, or we can await the Day when this same Savior returns as Judge, calling all to account for trying to banish Him from the universe or incorporate Him into human experience.
12.1.14
Chick-Fil-A and a Piano
But not both at the same time.
Thinking of things I look forward to when I return home. This is where owning a home close to Chick-Fil-A pays huge dividends. I have no choice but to pass the home of the world's best chicken on my way home. And I'll still be wearing my uniform, which means that the nice folks there will give me half off the price.
And someday I really want a piano. I've hardly touched even a keyboard on this deployment, but if people realized how often I played piano/keyboard just for fun and as a devotional exercise, they'd see the urgent need for a piano. By urgent, I mean after a few years of saving money and owning a bigger house.
I played worship songs on the keyboard at the post chapel for over an hour today. The pedal didn't work, so everything was staccato. Makes me feel like I'm praising God using techno.
About ten soldiers or so joined me for cappuccinos and croissants this morning, which were both delicious! I couldn't get my hands on Lone Survivor for tonight's movie night, but some 15 soldiers (including our commander) joined me for The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug and a few stayed around to watch Anchorman 2. I hope to find a black market copy of LS tomorrow for another movie night (such movies are legal for those deployed overseas).
Now I'm going to go enjoy some midnight chow at the Coalition DFAC and try some interesting British deserts alongside some Twinings tea, again with a handful of my soldiers. If only quality time came this easy during the meat of the deployment!
Thinking of things I look forward to when I return home. This is where owning a home close to Chick-Fil-A pays huge dividends. I have no choice but to pass the home of the world's best chicken on my way home. And I'll still be wearing my uniform, which means that the nice folks there will give me half off the price.
And someday I really want a piano. I've hardly touched even a keyboard on this deployment, but if people realized how often I played piano/keyboard just for fun and as a devotional exercise, they'd see the urgent need for a piano. By urgent, I mean after a few years of saving money and owning a bigger house.
I played worship songs on the keyboard at the post chapel for over an hour today. The pedal didn't work, so everything was staccato. Makes me feel like I'm praising God using techno.
About ten soldiers or so joined me for cappuccinos and croissants this morning, which were both delicious! I couldn't get my hands on Lone Survivor for tonight's movie night, but some 15 soldiers (including our commander) joined me for The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug and a few stayed around to watch Anchorman 2. I hope to find a black market copy of LS tomorrow for another movie night (such movies are legal for those deployed overseas).
Now I'm going to go enjoy some midnight chow at the Coalition DFAC and try some interesting British deserts alongside some Twinings tea, again with a handful of my soldiers. If only quality time came this easy during the meat of the deployment!
Running the Race in Marriage and in Life
I had the pleasure of attending a chapel service at our staging post this morning, and lo and behold, the focus of the sermon was on running the race of faith.
If you had to guess what the topic would be before attending a chapel service in the Army, and you guessed something to do with running the race of faith, you would have decent odds of being correct. Chaplains preach on that biblical metaphor all the time, probably because it's very applicable to soldiers.
The strength of these sermons often comes in their emphasis on the law in the Christian life. It is important for Christians to hear the constant biblical imperatives (commands/what you should do) that structure their life in gratitude for the Gospel.
The weakness of these sermons often comes in their neglect of the Gospel in the Christian life. It is important for Christians to hear the constant biblical indicatives (statements of fact/what has been done for you) that provide the basis for the imperatives and the way we ought to live.
The practical way to do this with the race passages is to first apply the law--here is how we are to run, and man, do we often fail to run in this manner! But then we focus on the more important race. Paul tells us that unless Christ was raised, our faith is in vain. The race that defines our lives is not the one we run, but the one Christ ran perfectly in our place.
In fact, Hebrews 11 and 12 gives us a biblical basis for thinking this way. Hebrews 11 focuses on an array of Old Testament believers who heard the Word concerning the promised Messiah and walked with absolute assurance and conviction that the Messiah would indeed come and usher them into a heavenly promised land, whose builder and maker is God.
Just after this section, we are told that since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (witnesses of what?), we are to lay aside the sin that so easily entangles and run the race with perseverance. But this imperative is immediately followed by the indicative:
2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
We are to follow the example of the Old Testament believers in that we look to Jesus first in order to run the race. They still look to Jesus--that is what makes them a cloud of witnesses. They might also bear witness/testimony to our race, but they do so with eyes afixed on Christ, who was proven faithful to save them. They witness/testify to us that this race begun by faith in Christ, sustained by faith in Christ, and rewarded by faith in Christ, will not prove to be in vain.
You see, Jesus first ran the race. He withstood the mighty blows of Satan in the desert, the brokenness of this world, and the betrayal of mankind. Yet He kept His eyes affixed on the prize of securing His people to the loving heart of their God, considered His daunting race nothing but joy, endured the brutal final stretch in which He died as a sacrifice for sinners, and is not seated on the victor's platform as Savior, King, and Judge of this world. We run because He ran first and won. Praise be to God. We now run with joy before us.
One of the great joys of this life is that in marriage, God has set beside us a partner to join us in this race. When I stumble, my wife, by God's grace, helps me regain my step, and vice-versa. Part of the beauty of this sanctification process is how my God-enabled sacrifice and her God-enabled submission creates a beautiful spiral of deepening love and perseverance.
Neither sacrifice or submission is easy in the least. In fact, it is dangerous. History, including in the Church, is littered with tyrannical men who exploited their wives' vulnerable submission, and with seditious wives who exploited their husbands' vulnerable sacrifice. Such exploitation creates the opposite effect of the joyous sanctification spiral--a descending spiral of sin, decay, and death.
I am much more reluctant to lead than my wife is to have me lead. I think this is part of the sanctification spiral. I talk of future dreams--church work, chaplaincy, Africa--and expect that such ruminations will terrify my wife and cause anxiety and resentment. In the past, such talk did inspire anxiety and I was more reluctant to share such dreams (both of us showing our frailty in such exchanges). She likely saw the fickleness and insecurity in my dreaming, and was sensibly reluctant. I was sense the reluctance and become more insecure.
Yet, despite these frailties of a young married couple, she always gave me that pledge of Ruth to Noami, "Where you go, I'll go. Where you lodge, I'll lodge." Even in her vulnerability, she would trust me and trust the Lord with our future, wherever He took us.
But she has become more proactive on that front, and I think this deployment, surprisingly enough (from a worldly perspective) has been used to make her bolder. Her response to my ruminations on any future options during this past year has been "I'm open." Early on in our marriage, there were many more "I don't knows." But in the past year, before I can even start giving various reasons and justifications for different options, she'll preempt me with "I'm open." Her starting point is not fear, but trust and willingness to explore all options.
As a result, I think of the future with more freedom and more wisdom. I don't have to fear my wife's anxiety and uncertainly. She trusts me and she trusts the Lord. What I fear is taking that trust for granted. So I strive harder to act with greater discernment and humility, striving to honor her submission with my sacrifice.
Over the years, in our insecurity, we have both desired to have peace and wisdom of believers much older and more mature than us. I think we have both wondered what would happen when our sin and frailties were put to the test in great trials (like a post-surgery, post-pregnancy deployment and consequent single motherhood of a firstborn child). What we have learned, more than ever, is that God transforms us through the suffering more than He does in preparation for it.
It's analogous to marriage and parenting. People often talk about how they're "not ready" for these phases of life. No one is or will ever be ready. Marriage and parenting are not the final product--they are a lifelong process of learning and growing. You become a better spouse and parent, by God's grace, through being a spouse and parent. You become a more persevering follower of Christ through being a follower of Christ over time and through suffer and learning anew the joys of the Gospel.
Together, my wife and I have run a Ragnar-like race this past year--running through mud that slows us down and braving a chill that cuts to the bone. But we are coming out on the other side stronger, with more trust in each other and in the Lord who was ever-faithful, and know that as Author and Perfecter of our faith, He will finish what He started. Now, the race truly begins.
If you had to guess what the topic would be before attending a chapel service in the Army, and you guessed something to do with running the race of faith, you would have decent odds of being correct. Chaplains preach on that biblical metaphor all the time, probably because it's very applicable to soldiers.
The strength of these sermons often comes in their emphasis on the law in the Christian life. It is important for Christians to hear the constant biblical imperatives (commands/what you should do) that structure their life in gratitude for the Gospel.
The weakness of these sermons often comes in their neglect of the Gospel in the Christian life. It is important for Christians to hear the constant biblical indicatives (statements of fact/what has been done for you) that provide the basis for the imperatives and the way we ought to live.
The practical way to do this with the race passages is to first apply the law--here is how we are to run, and man, do we often fail to run in this manner! But then we focus on the more important race. Paul tells us that unless Christ was raised, our faith is in vain. The race that defines our lives is not the one we run, but the one Christ ran perfectly in our place.
In fact, Hebrews 11 and 12 gives us a biblical basis for thinking this way. Hebrews 11 focuses on an array of Old Testament believers who heard the Word concerning the promised Messiah and walked with absolute assurance and conviction that the Messiah would indeed come and usher them into a heavenly promised land, whose builder and maker is God.
Just after this section, we are told that since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses (witnesses of what?), we are to lay aside the sin that so easily entangles and run the race with perseverance. But this imperative is immediately followed by the indicative:
2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
We are to follow the example of the Old Testament believers in that we look to Jesus first in order to run the race. They still look to Jesus--that is what makes them a cloud of witnesses. They might also bear witness/testimony to our race, but they do so with eyes afixed on Christ, who was proven faithful to save them. They witness/testify to us that this race begun by faith in Christ, sustained by faith in Christ, and rewarded by faith in Christ, will not prove to be in vain.
You see, Jesus first ran the race. He withstood the mighty blows of Satan in the desert, the brokenness of this world, and the betrayal of mankind. Yet He kept His eyes affixed on the prize of securing His people to the loving heart of their God, considered His daunting race nothing but joy, endured the brutal final stretch in which He died as a sacrifice for sinners, and is not seated on the victor's platform as Savior, King, and Judge of this world. We run because He ran first and won. Praise be to God. We now run with joy before us.
One of the great joys of this life is that in marriage, God has set beside us a partner to join us in this race. When I stumble, my wife, by God's grace, helps me regain my step, and vice-versa. Part of the beauty of this sanctification process is how my God-enabled sacrifice and her God-enabled submission creates a beautiful spiral of deepening love and perseverance.
Neither sacrifice or submission is easy in the least. In fact, it is dangerous. History, including in the Church, is littered with tyrannical men who exploited their wives' vulnerable submission, and with seditious wives who exploited their husbands' vulnerable sacrifice. Such exploitation creates the opposite effect of the joyous sanctification spiral--a descending spiral of sin, decay, and death.
I am much more reluctant to lead than my wife is to have me lead. I think this is part of the sanctification spiral. I talk of future dreams--church work, chaplaincy, Africa--and expect that such ruminations will terrify my wife and cause anxiety and resentment. In the past, such talk did inspire anxiety and I was more reluctant to share such dreams (both of us showing our frailty in such exchanges). She likely saw the fickleness and insecurity in my dreaming, and was sensibly reluctant. I was sense the reluctance and become more insecure.
Yet, despite these frailties of a young married couple, she always gave me that pledge of Ruth to Noami, "Where you go, I'll go. Where you lodge, I'll lodge." Even in her vulnerability, she would trust me and trust the Lord with our future, wherever He took us.
But she has become more proactive on that front, and I think this deployment, surprisingly enough (from a worldly perspective) has been used to make her bolder. Her response to my ruminations on any future options during this past year has been "I'm open." Early on in our marriage, there were many more "I don't knows." But in the past year, before I can even start giving various reasons and justifications for different options, she'll preempt me with "I'm open." Her starting point is not fear, but trust and willingness to explore all options.
As a result, I think of the future with more freedom and more wisdom. I don't have to fear my wife's anxiety and uncertainly. She trusts me and she trusts the Lord. What I fear is taking that trust for granted. So I strive harder to act with greater discernment and humility, striving to honor her submission with my sacrifice.
Over the years, in our insecurity, we have both desired to have peace and wisdom of believers much older and more mature than us. I think we have both wondered what would happen when our sin and frailties were put to the test in great trials (like a post-surgery, post-pregnancy deployment and consequent single motherhood of a firstborn child). What we have learned, more than ever, is that God transforms us through the suffering more than He does in preparation for it.
It's analogous to marriage and parenting. People often talk about how they're "not ready" for these phases of life. No one is or will ever be ready. Marriage and parenting are not the final product--they are a lifelong process of learning and growing. You become a better spouse and parent, by God's grace, through being a spouse and parent. You become a more persevering follower of Christ through being a follower of Christ over time and through suffer and learning anew the joys of the Gospel.
Together, my wife and I have run a Ragnar-like race this past year--running through mud that slows us down and braving a chill that cuts to the bone. But we are coming out on the other side stronger, with more trust in each other and in the Lord who was ever-faithful, and know that as Author and Perfecter of our faith, He will finish what He started. Now, the race truly begins.
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