I refused because this friend kept putting himself in situations where he was vulnerable to temptation. If a man constantly invites his girlfriend back to his room to hang out, or decides to move in with her on a non-sexual basis in order to save on rent, he is being a fool. (I did pray for this friend's wisdom, and told him so.)
God not only gives us strength amidst temptation, He gives us wisdom to avoid temptation. My wife (fiancee at the time) and I made a conscious decision to avoid hanging out in private places until we were married. There was simply no need to give ourselves room to be tempted in that way.
When one forsakes God's wisdom, he is often proven a fool.
I do not say this out of judgment, but out of painful personal experience. I went out with a girl in high school who had very different boundaries from me. She started pushing me past the line of my convictions, and had a willing heart to work with (James 1). Even though we had conversations in which she promised to respect my boundaries, I decided to break up with her.
I did not need respected boundaries, I needed shared boundaries. I knew that her willingness to push past the line would be further encouragement for me to do the same. I was a teenager, which meant that my heart was really just a massive factory of hormones! Her willingness made me more willing. And as soon as my boundaries crumbled before that willingness, I knew her respect for those boundaries would crumble as well.
So I broke up with her in the McDonalds drive-thru (admittedly, a very weak move, but I was really craving my McDs). I knew that the reasons why I broke up with her would quickly get out-- again, it was high school! To protect her, I put the burden of responsibility on myself. I broke up with her because "I didn't trust myself with her." It was true. I didn't trust myself with any willing girl in a private place. I was acutely aware of my sinful nature and my age.
But my attempts to protect the gal left me defenseless. People (by which I mean lots of girls) became mean and nasty toward me--telling me how cruel I was to break up with a girl because I couldn't restrain myself. And why couldn't I restrain myself? I was clearly a pervert! Thus, in trying to protect this girl's reputation, I lost my own.
But the logic behind that last sentiment is what drove this post today. If you're a guy who saved yourself for marriage, like me (by the grace of God!), or who wants to avoid opportunities to lust, you've likely been labeled a pervert. You avoid looking in the windows of Victoria's Secret, or you turn away during a nudity scene in a movie. The guys laugh at you. The ladies think you're a pervert because you obviously can't control yourself, and thus avoid anything risque.
Apparently, to avoid the label of "pervert," you should salivate after plastic models in lingerie and pictures in magazines, enjoy raunchy scenes in movies, and ogle girls at the beach.
Wisdom has become perverted. Apparently, you should take responsibility for your sexuality by exposing yourself to temptation, but not indulging in it. Because sexuality is at the core of who you are--so says the grand traditions of our forefathers from the ancient era of the 1960's and the sexual revolution. But don't take responsibility for your sinful nature and seek to deny your primal desires in favor of virtue, because psychology has determined that sin and guilt are merely a social construct, and the physical sciences have determined that you are fundamentally primal and animalistic--especially you men.
And since postmodernism is a fundamentally irrational philosophy, we can label the lust-averse as "perverts" and not bat an eye. The logically ludicrous is enlivened with pretty little lilies of experience and made to look lovely.
But this all comes back to you and me, dear reader. Asinine accusations do not excuse us from our responsibility to be wise. We seek wisdom--ultimately from God, the fount of wisdom--because we are realistic about our fallen nature. We do not naturally love God or our neighbor. Instead, we twist our neighbor into an idol of our own making and exploitative use, and offer that up as a middle finger to the God who created us for true life and true love (Romans 1). Even when we are benevolent, our every kind thought, word, and act is shadowed by vanity.
So we seek wisdom from Christ, who is our wisdom (1 Corinthians 1). Not only does He give us the wisdom to discern what is evil or unwise and guide us in paths of righteousness for His name's sake (Psalm 23), He embodied perfect wisdom in our place. He knew to resist the devil and rest upon the Lord when Satan was obvious in his ploys (Luke 4) and when He was subtle (Luke 22:39-46). He saw sin for what it was and was Himself without sin (Hebrews 4), and perfectly submitted Himself to the will of God in the most unimaginable and difficult of circumstances (Luke 22:39-46).
And He now gives His wisdom to us. Yes, it is still corrupted by our sinful nature, but we are being re-made in His image with every passing day (Eph. 4:24; Col. 3:10) and He works in us to will and work according to His good pleasure (Phil. 2). The battle rages, but the victory is assured (1 Cor. 15; Rev. 19).
Do not seek to solely arm yourself with strength against Satan and against temptation, because you are still a sinner and your heart often works against you (James 1). In other words, you are not Jesus. By assuming you can casually march out to do battle in the wilderness, let alone win that battle, you (and me) are being arrogant.
By God's grace, you can truly love God and your neighbor--if you are in Christ--because He first loved you. You can vainly try to prove your strength and impress the world, or you can meekly show forth God's strength in your weakness (2 Cor. 12) and place before the watching eyes of the world the Christ who became weak for sinners like you and me (1 Tim. 1:15-17).
What will it be? We're ready to take your order.
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