When I came on board at Sterling OPC about three years ago, it was with a firm confidence shared by our senior pastor that this precious little flock of two dozen would grow to over 200 at this point.
We are not there. Not even close. And I am consequently humbled and forced to ask the oft-painful question found in the title.
As I have meditated on this question amidst a season of renewed meditation upon God's Word, in His grace, I have come to a few initial conclusions.
1) What kind of question is THAT?
My initial question is incredibly misleading. It is false on the very surface of things--the reality is that we are now regularly drawing 65-75 attendees, which is something to rejoice over! But even if that was not the case--even if we were still around two dozen members--my question concerning growth is absurd.
What is growth? Can it not be qualitative (depth of faith and growth in grace) as well as quantitative (number of butts in the pews)? If one person more regularly attends morning worship, is that not growth? If a young teenager professes her faith, is that not growth?
More than that, can I read the heart? This gets to the more important question: Who grows the Church? In Acts 7-8, there was something of genocide being perpetrated against the fledgling New Testament people of God. Yet that genocide was used to spread the Gospel to the surrounding lands and even precipitate the miraculous conversion of Saul of Tarsus.
The story of the book of Acts and of the Church in general is the story of King Jesus building His Church by His Word and His Spirit, often in contrast to worldly appearances. Where the Gospel is proclaimed, the Church is always growing, and the gates of Hell will not prevail against Him who grows it.
2) Visible growth does not equal real growth.
I find that I am often looking for the same sort of growth that every other sector of society wants--growth in numbers, regardless of means of attracting them and the end for which they are sought.
If a pastor grows his church by a couple of hundred people, he can write a book. If he grows it by thousands, then he can speak at conferences and perhaps even be broadcast on the radio or TV.
I live in a culture that celebrates celebrity over all else and I am a sinner to boot. I want a blog post that gets over a hundred views and a book with back cover plugs by Piper, Horton, and Keller.
But visible growth does not equal real growth. The Second Great Awakening in America was filled with celebrity pastors with renowned methods and often with virtually no Gospel message. Their pews were packed--a generation later, they were abandoned.
When I consider my role as a shepherd of God's people, I need to count the cost and not count the heads. If I am flattering myself with what we in the military call "good news stories," and am not dying to self for the sake of Christ's sheep, then I am out of step with the calling Christ has placed upon me and need to repent (again and again!).
Christ is lavishing blessing upon unseen blessing upon His people. Every time I have the gall to question whether one of His sheep is bearing fruit, I am really questioning whether Christ is bearing fruit. Imagine the fruit I could more tangibly bear in the time I wasted on such judgmentalism!
3) I need to love the one I am with, not the one I wish to have.
I have often been frustrated with our people's perceived lack of engagement with the surrounding culture. Do they not care for the salvation of their neighbor, co-workers, or others in their community? Do they not understand that this is a biblical imperative and an essential (not optional) part of the Christian life? And each question like this that I ask, I further cement my status as a self-righteous, judgmental jerk.
Jonathan Leeman, from 9 Marks, had a good article on this state of pastoral disillusionment on The Gospel Coalition site yesterday. We live in a real world, not an ideal world. This gets at the heart of the Gospel--Christ died for a real people, not an ideal people. He is the ideal--the only one who perfectly obeyed the law of God in this life and was without sin, the only One who was willing and able to conquer death, and did just that. He did this, not before a crowd of those who celebrated His heroic humiliation, but who mocked Him, condemned Him, and killed Him. He had every right to smite all mankind--He is justified in His judgment--but instead, He cried out for mercy. His love for His people and for the glory of God carried Him to the cross for a world that hates Him by nature.
And I part of the crowd, not above it. If our people were failing at their calling to share the Gospel (and they are not), then it would merely be a reflection of my failure as a shepherd. But Christ does not fail, nor does His work in His sheep. When I strip off the petty, self-righteous veneer of my judgment, I find a precious people, beloved by God and doing grace-infused work for His sake.
This flock is filled with ordinary beauty that I am prone to miss while pursuing my misguided dreams of grandeur. I have seen brothers and sisters weep over their sin and endeavor anew after righteousness for the sake of their Savior. I watch little lambs mature into full grown sheep, fulfilling God's covenant promises. Our precious little flock has been stretched by the Gospel over the past several years and have taken on a new shape as a result. In ordinary and unassuming ways, our people are offering themselves as living sacrifices as their worship to the Lord. And these are just the visible things!
The goal of the under-shepherd of Christ's flock is not to browbeat the sheep into fulfilling certain quotas and the unrecognized dreams of said under-shepherd, but rather, is to heed Christ's call to Peter: Do you love Me? Then feed my sheep.
As my young, foolish heart heeds this call anew, I not only find myself loving my Savior-Shepherd more, but His precious flock as well. I need not worry about my church's growth as much as my own.
I look at Sterling OPC--our little corner of Christ's Kingdom--and find myself in love with His Bride.
Well done Steve! This came to my mind after I read your post: "Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might, and his arm rules for him; behold, his reward is with him,and his recompense before him. He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young" (Isaiah 40:10-11).
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