Who Am I?

I once knew someone with both medical and psychological training who tried to take his own life. There were many contributing factors to this (thankfully, unsuccessful) attempt, but there is one that stands out: An identity defined by circumstances.

In fact, this trait is inevitably found in every person I counsel. I recently spoke to a female soldier who lives for her kids and feels betrayed by her parents and past loves. Her life seems to hang in the balance between an identity rooted in her children and one rooted in her betrayal.

Whether we are proud, self-conscious, or somewhere in between, we all find our identity in all of the wrong places. We look to relationships, but all human love betrays in ways great and small. We look to achievements and experiences, but all of those are fleeting. Sometimes, we'll simply fall back on the crutch that we get to decide who we are and what we will become. But there will always be setbacks, and at such times, we who give meaning to ourselves can also take it away.

Cognitive psychology helps us by showing that we are not merely a set of behaviors that we do or a product of our experiences. It rightly shows us that behind every negative feeling is a negative thought process that can be altered in a positive direction. Yet alterations are always temporary because it relies on the same human faculties that get us in trouble in the first place.

We need an identity that stands beyond our circumstances--something I term an "extra-personal identity" (something that stands outside of oneself). If we have an identity that is rooted in something permanent and unchanging, then no circumstance can compromise our sense of self.

One soldier recently asked me where such an identity can be found. I sent this in response:

For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.

(Psalm 139:13-16)

Behind every psychological issue in this world is an identity issue. If you cannot answer the question "Who am I?" satisfactorily; If you are looking for your identity in the wrong places, then you will always be blown and tossed by the winds of circumstances and you will be lucky not to drown.

There is a reason why the fundamental proclamation of a pastor each Sunday is Christ and Christ crucified. It is where the identity question meets the heart of the Gospel. Is your life "hidden with Christ in God?" Each week, even as a follower of Christ, we struggle on a heart-level with our identity in Christ. We struggle to believe that such a God is so loving, and that such love is unchanging. Remember that the Good Shepherd says that none who belong to Him can be snatched from His hand. Do you believe that? The more you find your identity in Christ; The more you truly believe it--the more you will find the rest of your life changing by His grace.