This helpful thought was proferred by my dear wife. Let me give the context.
Two days ago, a smiley-faced female employee of the post asked me if I would be willing to meet with a civilian. "Of course!" This is in part what distinguishes a job from a calling--I do not merely serve within the parameters of my defined role, but eagerly seek to serve in the same capacity for those beyond my assigned purview.
I sat down with this smiley-faced female, and immediately her face screwed up into pure despair. If I hadn't seen this quick sea-change so many times before, I'd be alarmed. I let her cry herself out a little bit, and began to ask gentle questions. The initial issue seemed to be a bird that she hit with her car the other day. She slammed the brakes, jumped out of the car, and held the bird while it breathed its last. Apparently, she loves animals of all shapes and sizes. Setting aside my cynicism, I worked to empathize with her, sharing her grief over a world in which life of man and beast alike is so quickly snuffed out. I expressed gratitude for her ability to show such sensitivity and grief toward such sources of pain.
But, as my wife says is often the case with distraught females (generally), it's about more than the bird.
It turns out that this dear woman was an Army wife whose husband divorced her and married another woman. Her teenage daughter has likewise left her for her ex-husband. She feels abandoned, unlovable, and will likely have to move in with her mother in AZ.
After giving her time to grieve, I offered this poor woman three points of encouragment/counsel:
1) I'm encouraged that her heart is as soft as it is. It shows a certain vitality that is lost on many people who withdraw and harden their heart to their pain. Yet, I counseled her to intentionally combat her dark thoughts. (We can tend to generalize our pain--"this is how it will always be," catastrophize our pain--"this is how everything is going," and personalize our pain--"this is who I am." All three of these are thought patterns of the pessimistic and depressed). All feelings are valid, but not all are correct or healthy. If we struggle with these bad patterns of thought, we should stop them mid-stream and argue with them: "What happened?" "Does this really always happen?" "Is this really how everything is going?" "Can this really be assigned to who I am?" Our goal is to own the bad circumstance, put it in its proper perspective, and allow the opportunity to redefine our lives.
(This, by the way, is the hot and healthier trend in modern psychology (cognitivist) that treats people first as thinkers, as opposed to the older, more animalist trend that treats people as products simply of their environment and conditioned by rewards/penalties for their behaviors (behaviorist).)
2) I counseled her to work on changing her self-perception/identity. It is one thing to say "I am not this; it is another to say, instead I am this." Ultimately, with a world and human nature thoroughly and significantly marred by sin and brokenness, we struggle to find a healthy self-identity. You can identify yourself solely with your sin and deny the innate dignity and abilities given you by God. Or you can identify solely with that dignity and those abilities and deny the clear affects of mankind's fall and consequent state of depravity. Or you can identify yourself as one created with dignity, yet inescapably marred by sin, who needs the wholeness that comes only with reconcilation to the God who created you. Ultimately, you need to be identified with Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who lived the perfect life in your place, died the just penalty for your sin, and can now be your identity by faith (2 Cor. 5:17).
3) I encouraged her to either attend chapel here on post or a church in her area. We are not a "tabula rasa" (Latin for "blank slate," made famous by John Locke) and cannot simply create our own identity out of scratch. We have an enemy, Satan, who is much more powerful than our own hearts or will. He accuses and condemns us in our sin every day and much of our energy goes into suppressing his voice, while often trying to deny our sin as well. Yet we know that part of what he says is truth. We are indeed guilty sinners, deserving of death. But his is a half-truth--we are not hopeless and resigned to God's just judgment. So we attend church every Sunday (twice if possible!) to directly reminded by God through His Word (through a weak messenger) that "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation." "He who knew no sin became sin, so we might be the righteousness of God." "Nothing can separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." "No one can snatch you from My hand." Unlike people we love, God will "never leave us nor forsake us."
Regardless of whether she heeds any of these thoughts (of which I editorialized in this post), she has gratefully agreed to meet with me as she and I both have time to help process through a number of these issues. Praise the Lord!
FYI, both morning and evening chapels went well yesterday, though the unit created irreconcilable conflicts for many of our soldiers so that they were unable to attend (we'll fix that!). Folks really appreciate the Christ-centered preaching and the clear liturgical order that allows us to first adore God, repent before His Law, express gratitude for His Gospel, and hear His Word preached.
God bless you, my friends, and may Christ lead you in paths of righteousness of His name's sake.
