It is not enough to simply try to suppress negative thought patterns. All such suppression does is create a vacuum that invites those same feelings back in. We combat negative thought patterns with positive ones. We combat depression, anger, anxiety, and insecurity with contentment, joy, and gratitude.
On occasion, I counsel a female soldier in our unit who I call our "resident truth-teller." She has a very difficult time filling the typical Army role--staying in your lane (knowing your role) and driving on. She always asks "Why?" and has a hard time accepting inconsistencies and inefficiencies. She also is a heart-reader--one of those people who are attuned to how someone is truly doing, and seeks to love them accordingly. Both of these tendencies are fairly atypical in the Army, which means that her life here is a lonely one. Yet those gifts are crucial to our unit, which she will learn in the days to come, and must be a source of gratitude.
As a fellow believer, she strives for this gratitude, though, as is the reality in this vale of tears, her gratitude oft flows mingled with grief. Yesterday, we reflected on the lonely walk of Christ in His final hours. He was betrayed, denied, and abandoned--even by His disciples. Yet, for the joy set before Him--that of redeeming His people from sin and bringing glory to the Father--He endured the cross. This soldier is called to take up her cross in following her Savior. But the final word over her life is not the severity of her call, but the peace and joy found in her comfort--she will always be carried by Christ.
I can be grateful for the fact that I will have my own chaplain's assistant. I was told yesterday that one has been called up stateside to deploy and fill that role. I am grateful--there are so many things that an assistant can do for me, besides providing me protection. I am still a little squeamish at how we got to this point. I'm not sure that this didn't leave a bad taste in the mouths of some of my superiors. I also expect the pressure upon me to ratchet up, knowing that two slots are now dedicated to a ministry team that wasn't originally a part of the plan. But gratitude is the order of the day. God has decided that I should have an assistant, and His wisdom and compassion are beyond my comprehension.
I am grateful for my wife and boy. I often pass other soldiers as they are on the phone with their families, and sometimes, it doesn't sound good. I hear snippets like "Can we please talk about this some other time?" and "Can you at least be decent to me?" and "I can't do this right now." It breaks my heart to see some of this fraying. I will do what I can to help, God willing and soldier abiding, and pray that none of these lines of life and love will snap. I am grateful for my wife and boy. My wife is not my adversary, but my ally. Instead of resenting her present calling, she is adjusting fire and working to orient her new lifestyle in a Godward direction. We support each other in this trial, and standing together upon the mercy of our Lord, we stand strong.
Paul's gratitude for the Philippians:
"I thank God in all my remembrance of you. I always in every prayer for you all am making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the Gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Christ Jesus." (1:3-6)
I will reflect upon this newly memorized passage among my other meditations in the days to come.
Prayer Request:
Engaging morale monsters. There are always a handful of soldiers who badmouth the mission, the command, the unit, other soldiers, and about every other circumstance imaginable. They are vocal in such a way as to drag down overall unit morale. They are the Buzz Killingtons of the military world. I need wisdom in holding them in check and preventing the spread of their poison, while also engaging the deeper issues within them that give way to such poison. Thanks for your prayers for wisdom in these engagements!
