What To Do With Your Depression

Shove it. No, not in the way you think. Nor should you should shove it down.

You should shove it out into the light. Let me explain.

I counseled an old married couple in the community this morning, and at the heart of their difficulty was the fact that the husband wasn't sharing his the entirety of his struggle with depression with is wife. As a result, she had less insight into his struggle and felt helpless and out of control. This was something that my own wife called me out on early in our marriage.

Depression can be devastating, but it doesn't need to be destructive. It isn't some overbearing monster that we are powerless to fight against. It is actually quite normal. And it must always be engaged. Left unchecked, depression can ruin lives. Actively engaged, it can enrich lives. How can you turn your depression into a net positive?

1) Acknowledge it. It's not as if people don't notice. When you just tell people it's a bit of stress, or that it's just a passing phase--they know you're lying to them (or to yourself). When you look at the landscape of your life and see nothing but darkness--when you feel hopeless--then you're depressed.

2) Don't be a victim. People with depression suffer...a lot. But they aren't victims. Very few cases of depression are chemically or biologically based, and even those cases can be effectively treated. Depressed people already feel hopeless and helpless and the last the we should do is treat them as such. If you have depression, take responsibility for it. When the "black dog" (as Churchill called it) rares its ugly head, sit down, grab a pen and paper, and spell out the lies that it is telling you about your life. Take the positive data from your life and stare the dog down.

You can also engage in behaviors that limit the triggers for your depression. Go to sleep at a decent time and try to get a full night's rest. Avoid lethargy. Work extra hours at your job. Put in extra time at the gym. Get sucked into a new hobby. And don't self-medicate with alcohol!

3) Let people know. Depression thrives on privacy and imagination. When you're alone, there is no one to ask you to help with the groceries, let alone check your destructive thought patterns. You'll find that many friends and family member have or are struggling with depression. This normalizes the struggle, makes it safe to talk about, and enables you to more effectively combat it.

4) Enlist the support of several key people. This may involve some of the friends and family above, but it especially involves (1) a counselor, and (2) your spouse. There is a stigma attached to both depression and to seeking out help. Frankly, the stigma is stupid and those who uphold it are ignorant. Counselors are trained to ask you the right questions and help lead you on the right rabbit trails that will help you understand yourself better and heal. They are key allies.

Even more important than the counselor in many ways in your spouse. Your spouse may not be able to treat you in the same ways as a counselor, but he/she is your daily companion in the fight. Either they fight with you, or you hold them at arm's length and they fight against you. God has placed one person in your life to see all of the deepest, darkest parts of you. One person in your life with the charge to love you unconditionally as long as you both shall live. If you're willing to get physically naked in front of them, you should be willing to get emotionally naked as well. They know you the best and can help you the most.

5) Go to church. Not just to check the box or feel like a good person, but because you need to hear the Gospel! "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jer. 17:9) Even with positive data points, you can't will, think, or feel your way into a healthy state of mind. You need to be reminded that Jesus came for the sick, not the healthy; the sinners, not the righteous. You need to be reminded to "Set your minds on things above, where Christ is...for your life is hidden with Christ in God." (Col. 3:1-4) This heart-penetrating message, delivered point blank to your heart and those alongside of you in the pews, will transform you.

That is what I mean by "shove it." Shove your broken heart before your own eyes in acknowledgement, take responsibility for it, shove it before the eyes of others, especially those best equipped to help you, and shove it before the Throne of Grace, where your most malicious marks will be most masterfully managed.