If I was tempted to let something like this go to my head, such a temptation was quickly dashed by rapid-fire counseling appointments. One soldier who I am counseling wanted to give me the latest update on progress made with his fiancee. He decided to drop by the office without prior morning, which means that I didn't have a chance to begin my day's work.
As soon as he left, I was approached by an officer buddy. We needed to go fish an enlisted soldier out of the barracks. He was tired of seeing other soldiers promoted and not being promoted himself and refused to heed lawful orders from several NCOs. It was a messy affair. Such disobedience warranted being busted down a rank. In a strong moment for our unit Sergeant Major, he not only declined to bust the soldier down a rank, but gave him the opportunity to get on the fast track toward promotion, should he show the proper initiative. Hopefully, this soldier has gone from disgruntled to ambitious as result. I'll try to help him memorize the NCO creed, which is one of the requirements for his promotion.
But I am not tempted to let my award go to my head. I don't like awards, especially as we suffer from the same inflation in the Army that we often witness in classrooms across America. Everybody is treated as special, and thus no one is special. Everyone, regardless of performance, will receive an ARCOM for this deployment. There is no incentive for success nor disincentive for failure. I long for a post-PC military.
But military awards, like college diplomas, though fairly worthless in themselves, are essential for professional advancement. So in as much as I get my array of medals and ribbons from this deployment, I will have opportunities to serve more soldiers in more places. I will also have more credibility with such soldiers, who value experience above most anything else.
I begin the trek home in a few short weeks. I will do alongside the commander that found a spot for me on this deployment roster and has given me good professional counsel. I will do so alongside the lower enlisted soldier who almost ruined his military career in a fit of pique, but will hopefully translate his new-found opportunity into unexpected success.
In my pride-saturated self-doubt, I often question my usefulness in the Lord's hands. A part of me will continually question whether I have squandered every God-given opportunity to placard His name before believing and unbelieving hearts alike. God could use dramatic means to confront this sinful tendency of mine, but instead, He so often employs His gentle providence to comfort me.
As the disgruntled soldier was telling the SGM today that no one up the chain of command cares for the lower enlisted soldiers in our unit, he stopped a second, pointed a thumb me and said "...except for the chaplain." A part of me will initially doubt this assertion. Another part will claim credit for it with a worldly explanation, like "my brother was a lower enlisted soldier, so I have a heart for these particular soldiers."
But the truth is, our God delights in using the useless. I wasn't born blind because of my sin or my parents' sin, I was born blind so that Christ might heal me and the works of God might be revealed (John 9). If I could truly grasp the height, depth, width, and breadth or God's love for me in Christ Jesus, I would not doubt His gracious providence in using a sinner such as me.
Imagine if we all could believe that simple truth down to the depths of our hearts. Imagine the boldness and graciousness with which we would go forth with the Gospel. We condemn ourselves in our sin, when God has already condemned our sin on the cross and made us alive in Christ.
Yet, even in these moments of doubt and despair, we must remember that God "works in us to will and work according to His good pleasure." We can allow ourselves to become rusty, but we are still tools utilized in the grace of God and for the glory of His name.
