My wife recently penned (on a keyboard) this simple, yet profound, piece on God's gracious providence for her amid our current calling: http://www.haventoday.org/all-about-jesus-blog/how-is-lord-helping-you-55.html
It of course brings comfort to me to know that my wife is faring so well by God's grace. Soldier often ask me how my wife is doing? It is difficult for me to know how to respond. Circumstantially, she is having a rough go of it. It is very hard to be a single mother, even with a wonderful support network. It is hard to know your husband is deployed and is out of your (supposed) ability to help.
But providentially, she is doing wonderful. I have noticed greater growth in her (as evidenced by the post above) than at any point since when we were dating (at least in terms of rapidity). Through her various ordeals--economic uncertainty, future unknowns, ministry challenges, a scary surgery, having a baby, and now deployment--she has become the women that she admired so much as a baby Christian. She is wise, patience, long-suffering, and compassionate. God is surely gracious.
And in that vein, as I was sorting weapons out in the sun yesterday morning, I began to reflect upon God's gracious providence to me and my wife over the past couple of years.
Less than four years ago, I wasn't sure I'd pursue the ministry (as opposed to elected politics), let alone know which denomination would be ideal for that pursuit. I was working long hours that often kept me from my wife in our first year of marriage, making money that was not sufficient to support us. And the Army life I loved and craved seemed withheld from me.The fears of failure and the shadow of depression began to descend over me. I was perpetually crabby and irritable, and often found myself having a hard time sharing my feelings with my wife.
Now, such a response was not in the least acceptable. God need never appease me with His providence, but I am to entrust myself to the Savior who appeased His wrath for my sake. Our call is to follow our faithful God, regardless of our cirumstances and perceptions of His providence.
At the same time, my wife was experiencing great frustration. Her prestigious (and low-paying) editorial job in Seattle was left behind for the promise of greater success in DC. But with the recession, she was working brutal early morning shifts at Starbucks in DC while I lost the evenings to the bookstore. She seemed frozen out of the profession she loved and was finely gifted for. The anxiety that marked much of her adolescence became much harder to control.
Although I am naturally an optimist, I began to share in my wife's concerns about the future in those years. I would make overly-cheery assurances regarding the future, but my trust in God's providence began to erode. I allowed my eyes to shift from the grace and glory of my God and was a much weaker husband, leader, and servant to my wife as a result. I could not picture what I now enjoy today.
God has granted us both grace upon grace in our walk with Him. He has humbled us and taught us through our difficult experiences. He enabled my wife to enjoy the editorial life again, where she thrived. He placed me with an Army unit, guided me to the right denomination--and all three of these things in the same month (April, '10). He called me to ministry through this denomination to both my soldiers and my dear church family.
He gave me my heart's desire to serve soldiers in a theater of war, as well as finally become the primary bread-winner, at the same time that He enabled us to buy a house and keep my wife at home as the all-star stay-at-home-mom that I knew she always would be. Our greatest gift, aside from life to the full in Jesus Christ, came with the birth of our precious boy (whose name means "God has appointed").
And on a random sunny morning in a barren country on the other side of the world from my family, I find myself content. Where most people would see the struggle of it all (and I most certainly feel the struggle!), I see the grace of God in Christ. I can be content in a theater of war, because I know that I am right in the center of God's gracious providence. I have often doubted my God's goodness and struggled to enjoy Him. Compared to that, where is the sting of a deployment?
