One soldier dropped down in my office the other day--eyes bloodshot, rubbing his temples, barely holding it together.
His team has the most dangerous assignment of any in our unit. Each week they travel one of the more dangerous roads to a site in enemy country that has likely only escaped being overrun because we have special friends in special places doing special things. This soldier, the leader of the team, gets little sleep, rarely talks to his wife and kids, and has only worked out three times since arriving. He says that the risk and exposure of his team exceeds any danger he faced in Iraq.
The reason behind this frenetic pace (besides the obvious danger): He doesn't trust his fellow soldiers to keep the team safe. This is not because these soldiers are untrustworthy. In fact, their accomplishments thus far seem to indicate that they are quite mission-capable.
Why, then, can he not let go? Because he has served in active combat zones before. He has suffered casualties amongst his men. He has held one of his soldiers as he died in his arms. He cannot let go of control, nor relax, because he is all that stands between the enemy and his soldiers. And he cannot let another one die. He just can't.
One of the most poignant episodes from the series, Scrubs, was one in which the best friend of the supervisory doctor (Dr. Cox) died while under care of Dr. Cox's protege (J.D.). After that incident, Dr. Cox took over all of J.D.'s responsibilities and stopped sleeping. He couldn't trust the other doctors to keep his patients alive.
When one undergoes the trauma of a loved one's death, especially in combat, a vast reservoir of complex and contorted thoughts and emotions can develop. "I am responsible for this soldier's death." "Why him and not me?" "If only I had done this..." And new experiences in similar environments can trigger all of the old thoughts and emotions, driven by excessive guilt and paranoia.
This particular soldier was surely chosen as leader of this team because of his combat experience. He is the best equipped to keep this team safe. Yet that same experience has also taken its expected toll.
I told this hero that he has to stop and rest. No lip service. He has to for the good of his soldiers. He will be no good for his soldiers if he has a mental breakdown. In that scenario, are most experienced and effective junior leader is taken off of the field. More than that, he has to accept that whether he loses a soldier or not, their lives are not in his hands. If God will not let a hair fall from our heads but by His divine appointment, then surely He can and will protect our soldiers until His appointed day for them.
By God's grace, this soldier took the week off and has handed the reigns off to one of his experienced and capable subordinates. Please pray for this team, which includes:
-a soldier who was called up into this mission just after coming back from deployment, leaving a wife and a couple of kids for another year long stretch.
-a soldier who was called up into this mission as he was about to retire after several deployments.
-a soldier with a little girl at home that he only has opportunity to call twice a week, at most.
-a soldier with five kids at home and an overwhelmed wife.
-a soldier with two little boys (who he misses desperately) and a little girl on the way.
Man cannot bear the weight of life, but he can trust in the Savior who can and did.
