It would seem that my deployment is being broken up into approximately two month phases--the first was my mobilization down in TX, and the second was at my first post here in country.
(As an aside, this doesn't include the two month phase between learning of my deployment and leaving VA--a phase that included settling in a new house, welcoming a new baby, and comforting my little wifey through a lot of meaningful tears.)
At our mob site in TX, I began with my normal array of insecurities about my role: I don't know what I'm doing, I am a weak staff officer, I remain ignorant of many Army customs, etc. One of the things I have always been strong at is just being a friend to soldiers. I had lunch with the head of my endorsing agency, the retired head of the Army Reserve chaplain, not long before my departure, and he gave me very encouraging words: You are a good staff officer if you take care of soldiers.
At times during our mob, I felt my insecurities confirmed. I sometimes felt lost and didn't know quite what to do with my time. I dropped the ball of a couple of implied commands, and of course, got that counseling statement. Over the course of a couple weeks, I was told several times by my commander that I was good with soldiers, but not a very good staff officer. At the same time, he noted my desire to improve and praised my growth (I really admire our commander).
Yet it was during that first phase that God began to strengthen me in new ways for this role. Perhaps it came with the painful realization that my primary struggle was spiritual--with a fear of man, a lack of trust in God, and a refusal to cherish my identity in Christ. In any case, much of my insecurity and its accompanying pride was stripped away.
And by His grace, I am now a better soldier and chaplain. More important, I cling more tightly to my identity in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17). Praise be to my gracious God and Father in Heaven.
