-To my precious future wife, just one month after our adventure first started (11/26/07)
Some of you have wisely questioned whether I should be putting ruminations about future military endeavors in this blog when my dear wife has bravely dealt with so much this year. Is this not adding to her anxiety about her husband's safety, her task of motherhood, the future?
Thank you for such bold questions. I truly value them. I might not always like them, but my marriage is not my own and I will always need the insight of my friends and family to grow as a husband and in my sanctification more generally. If I contend with your assertions, it is not because I am not listening, but being an extrovert, I think through speaking. The day you need worry about whether I am hearing you is the day I stop responding.
To your neglect (and not hers), I have intentionally kept from pouring too much attention on my wife in this blog. She is blessedly so very different from me--from her introversion to her desire to keep some thoughts and feelings close to the vest. She is temperamentally more pessimistic than me, but leavens that disposition with frequent points of light, whereas I temper my constant optimism with deep, intentional journeys through the dregs of life and death. And while I am constantly dreaming of adventures, she is meticulously thinking through how stability can be drawn into such adventures. I am a rushing river. She is a deep lake. I feed into her and refresh her. She feeds into me, giving me renewed strength and vitality. There is no part of me that does not require every part of my wife.
Behind every post on this blog is hours of discussion and careful reflection with my wife. It might seem nigh impossible, but much of what I write is just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. When I write about Special Forces, for example, years of hidden discussions provide a groundwork for such writing, so that my wife is not surprised by anything I write. In fact, much of what I write is tempered by her wisdom and the insights that only a wife and mother could offer.
In the 250 or so days I will have been away, I probably spoke with the wifey on 240 on them, often for the better part of an hour. Our relationship was practically rooted in long-distance conversations and a robust friendship, and if anything, this deployment has only reminded us of that pertinent fact and joy.
Just a little while ago, we had this brief email exchange:
Hope your day went well today!
Love you,
YS
Ahhh that was nice! Thank you! It was too much fun. Good day. I love you! I'm thinking of you tonight. You know how much I'm your meta partner? I was thinking about Dana going to bed alone tonight before I read your post. Thank you for being my best friend. YL
Since before our marriage, we have signed all of our notes and letters with "YS" (Your Stephen) and "YL" (Your Lindsey). It is our constant and abiding promise to each other that we are not our own, but belong to one another. When someone loves one of us, we both feel it (which is why I posted part of my evaluation--for her). When someone hurts one of us, we both feel it. That's when you'll see me angry! She is my biggest fan and I am hers. She tells me to lead, and wherever I go, she will follow. I happily gave the early years of our marriage to helping her pursue her professional dreams. There is an ebb and flow to our love that brings the same tranquility as the ebb and flow of a tide on a shore.
Dating, Together
Engaged in Seattle, Together
Engaged in DC, Together
In the Army, Together
A Lifetime, Together
Second Anny, Together
Africa, Together
Throughout the many diverse adventures of our life thus far, there has been one consistent pattern: We have done it all together, by the grace of God.
That's why I can't fathom what Dana is feeling right now. With all I have in my wife, I can't imagine going without. But ultimately, our love is but sparks from the "the very flame of the Lord." And if marriage can be so unbelievably good, how much more so the eternal love of God in glory?
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